To The Edge And...


21-05-2008 19:23:38

Notes to any non-participant readers: this story picks up right after Brimstone’s “Journey of the Knight.”
-Only Anshar and Brimstone may post, but all are welcome to read.
-“Colomar” is a world Anshar created years ago during his early days in the DB, and has finally found a way to reuse it. Not much has changed about it, though.

* * *

Brimstone sat quietly on the small cot that was his bed for this journey, turning his lightsaber over in his hand. The recent sparring session with his master Anshar had been something of a mixed blessing. He had been clearly outmatched, not to be unexpected given Anshar’s standing as a Master, but Brimstone felt that his own skills were severely lacking. Brimstone heard, in his mind, Anshar’s mental beckon to the small living area. Rising form his cot, Brimstone made his way to the living area where he found Anshar seated at a table with a holographic projector in the center of it.

“Have a seat,” directed Anshar. “It is time you learned a little about the planet called Colomar.” He touched a button that Brimstone could not see and a holographic image of a planet appeared above the table. The planet appeared to be a rather non-descript blue and green ball. “Colomar is a small world on the very edge of the galaxy and it has a divided population. One group lives along the coasts of the two main continents.” Those areas of the map were highlighted in yellow. “The people who live in these areas came from other worlds millennia ago hoping to escape the constant warfare that engulfs this galaxy. They have been fairly successful in that regard.” Anshar pushed another button, and almost the entire rest of the map was colored in red.

“The people who live in this area are the natives of Colomar. They ignore the outsiders and constantly war only with each other. It is a very typical tribal set up. Both groups, however, are very distrustful of outsiders.”

“And what of this region?” asked Brimstone, pointing to a small uncolored patch on the map.

“That is where we are heading,” said Anshar. “That is an enclave of Force Sensitives who long ago sought what they termed a ‘third path’ in the Force. Like many others throughout history, they hoped to find a middle ground. The only difference is that they have been relatively successful and have avoided drawing any attention to themselves from either the Sith or the Jedi. The planet itself seems to help in this regard, though no one knows quite how.”

“But why take me there?” asked Brimstone. “If they are not Dark Siders, then what can they teach me?”

“It is not what they can or cannot teach you,” replied Anshar. “But, a group like this presents a unique situation that will test you. Even if they proclaim to follow a middle ground, members fluctuate within that spectrum. I do not have anything planned for this trip, but I am sure that something will challenge you.”

“I see,” said Brimstone. “I do have one question about my lightsaber skills-”

“Your skill is where I would expect it to be at your level,” said Anshar, interrupting the Chiss. “You have the core technique down, but a good bit of your style is still rough. The only way you can improve that is with practice.”

“I see,” replied Brimstone.

“For now,” said Anshar, “make certain you are well rested. We should be arriving at our destination soon and, as I said, there is no telling just what awaits us.”


22-05-2008 00:07:05

Brimstone went back to his quarters. He had remembered just then that he was on Anshar's ship, the Midnight Aria, a CRF-156T Fast Courier. Grabbing a hidden transmitter in his backpack that he was carrying on Dathomir, he pulled it out and activated it. A transmission beeped and then a small holgram arrived of an image of his ship. he transmitted the co-ordinates of where they were headed to and hopefully the ship would find its own way to him on the planet Colomar.

Brimstone then placed the homing beacon on a nightstand next to his cot. He then sat down, rubbing his sore calves from the grueling sparing session he had with his master. He was learning how to do somersaults and flips to try to stay out of the reach of the master technician. Brimstone knew he had lots of work to be able to defeat his master.

Defeat. One Master. One Apprentice. That was the way of the Sith. When the apprentice had learned all he could from his master, then he was to take his place, but Brimstone also knew that the way of the Sith had changed with the addition of the Oblisk and Krath. 3 functioning parts of the government called the Brotherhood, lead by a supreme ruler, Darth Sarin.

Brimstone also knew that all his years of training in the Chiss Ascendancy was going to help him stay in battle shape for the upcoming grueling events.

Colomar. Brimstone could not remember a planet from his explorations into the outer rims during his military career. It was a welcoming new adventure. Hopefully unlike the treacherous planet Dathomir or the wasted sand dunes of Tattooine.

And the mentioning of a 3rd type of force weilders. one that is in the middle of "good vs evil" routines that so many cultures have embraced. Could there be a truer form of neutrality?

Brimstone sat in a chair inside his quarters. he pulled out a datapad to start working on the diagrams of his lightsaber he was constructing for Master Reiko as part of his trials to knighthood. It was to be a dual/double bladed lightsaber that would be able to separate into two different lightsabers.

Brimstone remembered reading something about an lightsaber master that was named Kahn who enjoyed dual sabers and double-hilted ones too. Was his master this same person and if so, he could learn alot on training the lightsaber techniques he would need to rival past Sith predicessors.

Also, he remembered that Master Apollo, one of the leaders in the House of Gladius, had also gave him a assignment on what he thought his role with the House and Clan should be. "More homework" thought Brimstone. As the jedi hunter ponder, maybe it wasn't wise for him to venture on his own witout a master to try to become a Dark Jedi Knight. Maybe that was the leaders first test to see how the jedi hunter would do on his own, since he spent most of his life working with others all the time.

Brimstone took a drink from a herbal tea in his cup, warm and spicy, just like he liked. He went back to work on the datapad and inputted the schematics of his future new weapon.


23-05-2008 13:47:14

Brimstone found himself on a unknown planet. He was held in mid-air by an unseen force, choking the life out of him. Grabing and gasping for air as each second passed seemed like an eternity.

Brimstone could see 5 people in front of him. The chosen as they called themselves were killing him. Brimstone couldn't understand why as these were suppose to be followers of the "middle" path of the force, yet they are assuming a dark sider's role in his death.

Brimstone also saw what looked like was his master, Anshar, standing to the side smiling. Was his master planning to make his move to help or happy to see the student die.

Brimstone's eyes faded to blackness as his eyes rolled back and he sucumbed to the end of his life.


Brimstone awoken in a sweat from the dream. He had been having these dreams recently that always end up in him getting hurt or killed, and each time, he ended up in the same scenarios in real life within a week of the dreams.

"This is one dream I don't want to happen" thought the jedi hunter to himself.

Brimstone gotten up and went to the refresher to clean up. Looking in the mirror, he noticed that alot had changed in a year's time. Once he was was a proud Chiss Commander and clean shaven. Now he is a dark sider and has a full mustache and goatee. "Glad my old commanders can't see me now."

The past year has been hard on the jedi hunter, learning how to control the Force within. the past few months alone in search of his lightsaber parts and himself, had made a change in him. And he felt he was losing his inner self and chiss background. While the skin and eyes wouldn't change, the soul and mind had changed.

Brimstone dried off and went to grab a new uniform to wear. He decided to wear a full black uniform, complementary to what a Chiss battlefield commander would wear.

Also, it was opposite of what was he wearing in his dream.

Brimstone left to talk to his Master about his dream. Hopefully he would get some insight as to what it meant and to find out what his Master's intentions were.


26-05-2008 21:54:01

Comments on your previous posts: overall, pretty good. They helped get some insight into your character, and you helped move the story a bit. Good posts. No other comments at this time.

Anshar sat calmly on the bridge, staring at the molted blotches that was hyperspace. It had been many years since he had traveled to Colomar, not having had a reason to return in many years. But now, he knew he was being drawn to the planet for a reason. His encounter with Mariys on Dathomir, and her student Jara, told Anshar that something was brewing on the planet, specifically within the colony of Force users. Mariys Vila, who had lost her husband and daughter several years ago, was also a member of the Colony Council. She would not have left during any type of crisis, not even to train her student. If something was going to happen, it hadn’t started, yet.

Brimstone came onto the bridge, quietly taking a seat in the co-pilot’s seat. For a moment, he too stared at the molted sky of hyperspace. Finally, he spoke. “Master, to what extent can the Force show us the future? More specifically, our personal future.”

“That is a question hotly debated amongst both the Light and the Dark,” replied Anshar. “To some extent, prophecies and visions of the future have been accurate, but there has always been the question of whether or not those who foresee such things, or are told of them, do things that bring foreseen events about.”

“So, in other words, I must choose to accept or dismiss what I have seen in my dreams,” said Brimstone.

“And what have you seen?” asked Anshar. Brimstone then explained his dreams to Anshar, even mentioning his foresight of the choking incident on Dathomir. He did not, however, mention that Anshar had been standing to the side, smiling, in the last dream. “I am not an interpreter of dreams, but perhaps the Force has called us to Colomar for a reason. I had never intended to bring you here until I encountered Maryis and her student, Jara, on Dathomir. Since then, I have had a feeling that we needed to go to Colomar. The colony of Force users has had its troubles in the past.”

“What kind of troubles?”

“The most dangerous, and most recent, was the rise and fall of a man named Oterion. Oterion, as it turned out, was a plant. Palpatine knew of the Colony, but he chose to let it exist, preferring instead that it be corrupted to serve him. They posed no real threat to him or the Empire, so he sent a child into the midst. This child was strong in the Force, but Palpatine had planted goals and desires into his subconscious. In time, Oterion grew strong, but he drifted to the Dark Side. He attempted to seize power with a small group of followers, but he failed. While fleeing, he killed Maryis’ husband in battle, and then he killed her daughter to spite her. By this time, though, Palpatine was dead and Oterion had no where else to go.”

“So, what happened to him?” asked Brimstone, interested at the story, and about Oterion in particular.

“Oterion had, you might say, inherited Palpatine’s determination. He started a new group, called the Society of the Dark Horizon. Using his Force powers, he forced mercenaries and pirates to become his soldiers. Meanwhile, he sought out Force potentials and artifacts. His goal was to take Colomar and begin a new empire. However, in the end, Oterion failed to understand just how far some people would go to protect those things that they had built. And he failed to understand that just because I am a Krath, it doesn’t mean that I am his ally. I killed him myself.”

“So, the ones in my dream, could they be supporters of his?”

“Perhaps,” said Anshar, “though unlikely. The Colony drove all of them out and has forbid them from ever returning on the pain of death. For now, it is best to believe that your dream, no matter how real it seemed, or how many others before it have come true, is just a dream.” Anshar glanced at the chrono.

“We will be arriving in less than an hour,” he said. "My intentions for this trip began simply to offer you a new environment within which to train. It appears that we may find ourselves in the middle of something bigger, if the Force is guiding us."


04-06-2008 15:14:23

Brimstone sat there and pondered why he didn't tell his master about him being in the dream. Could it be that a story he heard of beings being possessed by those that are deceased was what was in his dream, that this Oterion fellow might take over the one who killed him?

Ambition was what lead to Oterion's downfall. Anshar was able to overcome the temptations that Oterion possessed. Brimstone was happy to have a powerful master to teach him, but was worried that the dreams might come true, if infact, these were his followers.

Maybe Oterion would try to possess him to destroy his master, the one who killed him and if Brimstone refused, then he was being killed in his dreams for his refusal. "Do I accept the possession or do I get killed for it?" thought Brimstone.

Brimstone's ship beeped its location on the comm device that it was in the same system as they were and was on a corse to follow them till told otherwise.

Brimstone asked his master some information about constructing lightsabers so he can begin the work on his and fill out his report on it to Master Reiko. He wanted to make sure to make his lightsaber perfect and easy to weild. Even though it would be a long time before he could make a custom one to his liking, the basic one was what he was going to train with.

The planet Colomar was fast approaching. Brimstone and Anshar prepped the flight plans for landing.


08-06-2008 23:07:50

Comments on previous post: a bit short, but it did help move us forward some, at least by getting me to post what I just did. Good insight into your character's mind.

Colomar was no different than the last time Anshar had been there: provincial and yet a relaxing atmosphere no matter how much trouble seemed to be brewing on the planet. The Colony was no different, either, save for some remodeling of the spaceport. Port officials dutifully logged Anshar and Brimstone’s arrival, with both ships landing, and undoubtedly relayed the presence of Force sensitive visitors to the Council. It was not long before Anshar’s suspicions were confirmed, but the manner in which they were confirmed surprised him.

Even before they left the landing area, two dozen armed security forces formed a loose semi-circle around the bow of the Midnight Aria. With them were two robed men, each with lightsabers at their waists. The elder of the two grimaced. “What are you doing here, Dark Siders?” he asked, “especially you.” He was staring right at Anshar when he had said that last part.

“We are only visiting,” replied Anshar, his voice equally authoritative. “My student requires an alternative view of the Force to challenge his own views before he takes them to his own battle.”

“Be that as it may, we don’t take kindly to your visit,” spat the older Jedi. “You bring trouble with you.”

“I cannot be blamed for events already ongoing when I arrive,” said Anshar. “I trust there are still some apartments on the city outskirts?”

“You can stay here on your ship. Outsiders aren’t allowed past the spaceport without supervision.”

“That will not be necessary,” said a female voice that Brimstone recognized. His attention turned towards the doorway and he saw a familiar face, one that he did not anticipate seeing again.

“Jara,” growled the younger of the two Colomari Jedi, “you can leave. This is official Security business.”

“Mistress Maryis has sent me to escort her guests,” replied Jara confidently. The two Security members looked at each other. “You can call her if you wish.” The older Jedi shook his head.

“Take them wherever the Councilor wants them,” he said. He immediately spun around and left the landing pad, followed by his partner and the two dozen troops. The landing pad was suddenly much larger.

“Now, if you will follow me,” said Jara. “And hold the questions until the end.” Brimstone looked at his master, and noted that even the Krath Master was a bit perplexed at how they had been beaten here.

* * *

They arrived at a fair sized house in an obviously residential district of the Colony. The lawn was well maintained and an old style brick and iron fence surround the place. A white marble statue in the front yard stood out against the black and deep red of the fence and bricks. On the front gate, a gold seal bearing the image of a strange bird split down the middle as the gate opened.

“This way,” said Jara taking them to the front door. For some reason, she now seemed to be annoyed at escorting the two Tarenti. As they passed the statue, Brimstone noted that it was of a young woman. Below the feet, engraved into statue was a quote. It read: “Where ignorance is bliss, knowledge is a curse. For even those who have learned from the past are sometimes doomed to repeat it.”

Jara opened the front door, leading them into an open foyer with a spiral staircase at the rear of it. It was very much like one might see in the holovids, though perhaps not as luxurious. Jara then turned to Anshar and Brimstone. “Mistress Maryis is currently attending to important Council matters. Until she returns, Master Anshar, you may move about the estate. You, Brimstone, must be accompanied by me wherever you go. Why she chose me to do this instead of a droid, I do not know. But, until you earn her trust, you will need an escort on these premises.”


25-06-2008 19:04:20

was on the road driving last 2 weeks, so posting now

Jara was still wary of the chiss. The time she spent with him on Dathomir taught her of the strange race. She found them intelligent yet egotistical. But yet, she admired that about Brimstone. His arrogance was something she only saw in a few men, and she didn't trust that many men.

Brimstone was standing back in front of the statue he saw earlier. The plaque on it stating "Where ignorance is bliss, knowledge is a curse. For even those who have learned from the past are sometimes doomed to repeat it” reminded him of the same sayings he read in the Brotherhood libraries. A old jedi master had repeated these exact words and he was wondering if this statue was of the same jedi master, yet he couldn't remember if it was a male or female.

Jara was growing impatient being the chiss's babysitter. She had other errands and training to do and this was petty for even her. But she knew her master said she had to and she has learned from time before, not to disobey orders from her master.

"So who was this woman?" asked Brimstone.

The question startled her as her mind was focused elsewhere. "I am not sure. I think she was a jedi from before the clone era that used to inhabbit this planet, possibly hiding here to keep from getting killed by the Empire."

"Her motto reminds me of one I read back in our archives. It is true if we don't learn from the past, we will doom ourselves. Mitth'raw'nuruodo even told us this in my academy days."

"Mitt...Mith...huh...who" stuttered Jara trying to repeat the name.

"I am sorry, I forgot non-chiss have difficulty speaking Cheunh. We have to shorten our names for basic speakers to make it easier to speak to a chiss. He went by the name Thrawn and was a leader of ours as well working for the Empire at the time the Emperor died."

"Your language is very complicated to me, but also very exquisite. Would be interesting to learn more so I do not mis-speak it again."

Brimstone laughed. "That would be tough for a non-chiss. our vocal chords are different than humans."

Jara smiled. That was the first time in what Brimstone hoped to be many to see from her.


Anshar and Maryis stood on the balcony overlooking Brimstone and Jara, watching their students talk.

"Well I'll be a rancor spit" exclaimed Maryis. "I have not see Jara smile in 8 years since what happened with her uncle and family."

"I remember. Does she remember anything of that day since you force-mind erased it from her?" asked Anshar.

"No, but she does have dreams of herself before the incident and keeps waking up to when they go blank just before the incident. To protect her, I have to almost keep a mindful eye on her dreams to keep her from reliving the past and with you around, makes it even harder since you where the one that killed her uncle, Oterion."

"I had no choice and you knew that. I had to kill him or he would had killed her and you along with the others" spoke Anshar. "He already killed her parents and brothers to try to take over power of the council here. It was the only option I had."

"I know, but you saw the anger unleashed from her when she saw you strike him down. If I hadn't mind nudged her, it would had been you the one dead."

They continued to watch the two students. Both of them showed the same characteristics that made them alike and unique.

"So what is to become of your student?" Maryis asked.

"I have seen that he will be a powerful asset to the Botherhood and if he could tap into the right vein of power, he might even rival past Sith Masters and Lords. But I think that just being a Sith is not what he is cut out to be. Especially since I am a Krath as you know. I hope to teach him all ways including some here."

"Well hope he learns quickly and learns hard. Life on here isn't going to be easy, especially since there is so many folks here that resent you."

"I have no doubts that he will learn. Just that he needs to focus on his dreams and their true meanings instead of the their outcomes."

"So he is have the "death" dreams too?" asked Maryis.

"Yes. And the last one I think he held back some information about it, cause it was he sensed nervous around me" replied Anshar.

"Well I could always tap into his dreams the next time he sleeps and we can know the answers."

"I would appreciate it. Would give me some insight as to what is really holding him back."

Both masters continues to sip their drinks, watching the students.


03-07-2008 22:07:41

[Comments about your previous post:

This one didn’t work so well as the others. Here are some pointers.

1. It is highly likely that Jara would have known who the statue was of, since she lived around it at all times. Having her claim ignorance doesn’t work well.
2. It would be best to speak about your character in terms of potential, rather than certainty, especially if you’re writing for Anshar speaking. Instead of “he will” something like “He could become . . .” would do much better.
3. Though you introduced the character Jara in the previous run-on, and I have co-opted her, it would be best to get insight into more developed characters from their creators. Two prime examples: Oterion is never noted as having a family of any kind, and Maryis would never say “I’ll be a rancor spit.” Maryis is a very refined individual and she wouldn’t use such an unsophisticated expression.
4. You had several grammatical and spelling errors in this post, whereas your previous posts did not. My guess is you wrote it fast. Just be a bit more careful in the future.

Overall, it is best to get input from other writers in a run-on, especially dealing with more developed characters (whether NPCs or PCs). This helps provide continuity to the overall story and individual characters.]

“And they have entered the home of the Councilor?”

“Yes. It appears as if Maryis knows Anshar quite well. Perhaps it is because he slew Oterion, or so the rumors say.”

“If that is the case, we must be careful. As much as I hated Oterion, he was by far one of the more brutal opponents, and he was skilled with a lightsaber. And we know he still has some followers amongst our people.”

“I concur. We should learn more about this Anshar before we move. If he is going to be present when we make our move in a few days time, then we will likely have to deal with him. And what of the Chiss he brought with him?”

“Likely an apprentice. I have taken the liberty of sending Aldan to meet them when an opportunity arises. Aldan is friends with Jara, so he should be able to get close to them without raising suspicion.”

* * *

Brimstone stood in front of the statue again, having made the rounds of the estate with Jara. For the time being, she had slipped away. Though she had acted pleasant towards Brimstone, he had noticed the annoyance at essentially babysitting him. And Brimstone couldn’t blame her; he would not have liked it any more than if the roles were reversed. As he looked at the statue, Brimstone noticed that a new engraving had taken the place of the previous one. It now read “The mirror reflects an image, but what it shows is not the truth. Just as right turns into left, the truth becomes a lie.” Brimstone blinked to make certain that his eyes weren’t playing tricks on him, but the new quote remained.

“Brimstone, it is time for dinner,” said Anshar, coming up behind him. Brimstone turned and began to ask a question, but Anshar raised his hand. “And before you ask, the actual training will begin tomorrow. Today was merely meant to get you adjusted to the world.”

“Yes, sir,” replied Brimstone. “A question, though. Who is this statue of? Jara claimed she did not know who it was.”

“How strange that she would lie to you,” said Anshar. “Every Jedi in this enclave knows who that is; she is Robsena, the founder of the Colony. The quotes that come and go from this pedestal are her teachings.”

* * *

“Are we sure you want to do this? The others won’t approve. Besides, attacking a Councilor’s home will bring too much attention.”
“Our enemies will be moving soon. We must cut them off. Besides, did we not swear vengeance for our master? We can eliminate Anshar as well as stop our enemies from moving their own plans forward.”


04-07-2008 20:31:07

Sorry, this just popped in my head. I thought it would be interesting as to a reasoning to being there. As for Jara, I would think she wasn't wanting to tell me any info as she was still not sure of me.

Brimstone had changed his outfit to a military dress whites for the dinner. Feeling this was an important event, he wanted to show his respect being a guest at Maryis home. Master Anshar arrived at the same time dressed in non-sharp clothing. Brimstone now felt out of place as to maybe he over did it. His Master looked at him and shook his head. Too late to go back and before Anshar could say a word, the front door to the house opened and stood Jara. She looked at Brimstone and smirked.

"A little over-dressed are we?"

"I thought it would be appropriate being that I am a guest. Sorry, just a chiss custom."

Both walked in and Maryis was walking into the dinning area with the service droid carring the food. Maryis smiled at Anshar and smirked at Brimstone.

"I know I am a little over-dressed master, but I did want to make a good impression" whispered Brimstone to his master.

"It is ok. Just one of the things you learn over time" replied Anshar.

All four people sat at the table and proceeded to dine. Small talk was conversed between them. Maryis asked Brimstone about the Chiss and the time continued for about 3 hours. Afterwards, Anshar and Brimstone dismissed themselves and retired back at their quarters.

"Brimstone, be ready to go at the first crack of sunlight for your training."

"Yes Master."


"What should we do with this blue-skinned one? it seems he knows our every moves, yet our informant hasn't left his side and can't seem to tell how he knows things he shouldn't know" asked a dark human.

"I don't know, but it seems like he has spies on the inside of our stronghold. We need to tell who is who and find the leaks. Then we take him out, this chiss."

The two watched Anshar from the rooftop. One has his sniper scope on the window to Anshar's room. The infra-red was showing that their target was asleep, but in a place not easily accessable with a single shot.

Anshar was sound asleep in total darkness and unaware of the impending shots waiting for him. Anshar woke up to a sound at the front door and as he walked past the window, a single shot hit him in the head, dropping him to the ground in a heap.


Brimstone sat straight up sweating from the dream.

His master was in danger and he had to warn him. Brimstone threw on his darkest uniform. The Force was with him as there was no moonlight to envelope him. Brimstone went to the ledge of of the apartment he was in.

Looking over to the opposite landing, he can see the darkness of his master's quarters. Brimstone could feel something was going down right there.

Brimstone focused on the Force and sensed that right above him was two beings. Their intentions were not clear, except they just shouldn't have been there. Brimstone grabbed the hilt of his lightsaber and inched to the ledge. He could hear them talking low to the wind, but he could barely make out some of what they were saying.

"What should ..... this blue-skinned one? ..... he knows our ..... moves, ..... our informant ..... his side and can't seem ..... knows ..... he shouldn't know."

"I don't ..... but it seems ..... has spies ..... inside ..... stronghold. ..... need to ..... find the leaks. Then we take ..... out, ..... chiss."

These were near the exact words Brimstone heard in his dream. Brimstone couldn't wait any longer for them to kill his master after just being with him a short time. Brimstone looked back and saw the light in his master's room turn on. It was a trap.

Focussing on the force to swell the energies into his legs, Brimstone leapt up to the roof and ignited his lightsaber as he went up. The sudden show of a red blade startled the men as they tried to reach for their blasters.

Brimstone was sommersaulting over the first one and turned with a twist to lop off the gun-hand. The human yelled as he fell to his knees in pain, Brimstone wasted no time lopping off his head.

The 2nd human got a shot off and it hit Brimstone square in the left shoulder. Brimstone winced and dropped into a roll and with his left arm dangling, used his lightsaber in his right hand and deflected another 2 shots.

The sniper's blaster misfired. More than enough time for the jedi hunter to hurl his lightsaber straight into the throat of the intended victim. He gurgled from the sudden gush of blood and fell over on his side with the lightsaber still imbedded.


Anshar heard a knock at his door. As he awoken from his sleep, he asked who it was. The person wouldn't answer. Anshar put on a robe and turned on the light. Just as he made it to the main room's quarters, he felt a sudden disturbance in the Force and dropped and rolled to a secured location. Calling on the force, he pulled his lightsaber to himself and turned his head to the left just as he felt his student's call upon the force.

Brimstone was in trouble and he barrelled out the doorway. No one was there from who was knocking. Anshar ran to a flight of stairs that led to the archway that would take him to his studen'ts quarters.


Maryis was alerted the moment shots rang out that there was a firefight and called security. Jara came running to her master's quarters with 2 guards. Shortly later, a squad of 6 guards came running. Maryis asked what was going on. One of the guards told her that there was a firefight on a rooftop of an appartment next to hers and told her to wait inside till the all clear.

The guards then ran off towards the stairwell that lead to the rooftop.


Brimstone walked over and pulled his weapon out and turned it off. He grabbed his comm device and hit a emregency signal to his master. Feeling lightheaded from the blood leaving his shoulder and the "surge" of adrenaline leaving him, he fell to his knees just as 6 Guards burst onto the rooftop with blaster rifles and yelling. Brimstone slumped to the ground and blacked out.

The guards secured the area and took the weapons from the dead and Brimstone's lightsaber.


As soon as Anshar got on the archway, the emergency comm device he had synched to Brimstone flashed. Anshar made a run for the quarters.


10-07-2008 00:15:30

Comments on your previous post

Just one big thing to note for now: even after reading it several times, it was very hard to follow your character’s location, or what happened to Anshar. Not until the very end was it clarified.

Regarding Anshar, you clearly indicate that he got shot in the head and slumped to the ground. And yet, shortly thereafter, he is up and running around.

With your own character, it got a bit hard to follow exactly where he was and where he was attacking people. Part of that may stem from the fact that we are actually staying in Mariys’ mansion, not apartments next to it. You seemed to indicate that this is the situation.

One thing that would help is not to jump around so much. Rather than do a series of short paragraphs that alternates between two different people/scenes, write longer blocks. That will help the reader keep track of what is going on.


Anshar came out to the rooftop to find the guards searching it rather thoroughly. Brimstone was being treated for a relatively minor wound, though the shock of it had obviously brought the Chiss to his knees. ‘Foolish,’ Anshar thought. ‘The lightsaber skills need some work.’ A gust of wind caused Anshar to turn around. He found Mariys standing there, with Jara at her side, as well as a young human male. The male had a lightsaber at his hip and he was in incredibly good shape. He also had a serious look on his face, and his eyes took in every detail of the scene in one glance.

“Sir,” said one of the guards, approaching the group. “We have swept the grounds. There are no more intruders. Unfortunately, not one remains alive for interrogation. I’m afraid we don’t know who they are.”

“Remove their masks,” ordered the young man. The guard complied, relaying the order too his men. The young Jedi walked amongst the bodies, peering at them, ignoring the removal of Brimstone’s unconscious form. Jara detached herself from the group to follow him.

“Who is that?” asked Anshar coming to stand beside Mariys.

“Aldan,” replied the Councilor. “He is the Assistant Deputy Chief of Security for the Council. Asides from being one of the greatest duelists we have, he also possesses an incredible memory.” Aldan returned to Mariys and Anshar.

“Masters,” he said, “I have confirmed it. These men are agents from the Society of the Dark Horizon, once led by the traitor Oterion. Though they have no patches or identifying marks, I recognize their faces from our files.”

“Thank you, Aldan,” said Mariys. “Master Anshar, it would seem that things are moving far faster than we expected. I’m afraid I’m going to need all the help I can get.”

* * *

Jara cursed silently to herself. They had moved too quickly, and certainly underestimated the two Dark Jedi. The Chiss had proven to be far more capable than she thought, though he obviously was still lacking in some areas. Still, if he could be converted…

“Excuse me, ma’am,” said a medical orderly. “We need to get him to the hospital. There’s no room in the ambulance.”

“That’s quite alright,” said Jara. Instantly, she thrust her hand into the man’s throat, collapsing his windpipe. She then flung his partner with the Force into the ambulance’s side hard enough to seriously dent the metal, and crush his spine. Taking a hold of the repulsor sled, she took the unconscious Sith to an unmarked vehicle. A green skinned Twi’lek awaited her.

“Don’t even say anything, Dar,” she spat. “Let’s just get this lump to the base.” The Twi’lek grunted, but did not reply.


10-07-2008 12:36:33

The shot in the head was part of the dream, as brimstone dreamt it just before the events happened, that was why he sat straight up in the next paragraph. I was trying to show a chain of events happening at the same time, like how ROTJ between the endor forest, space battle, and vader/luke duel. Just tried to make it more lively.

I also thought we were in apartments away from the mansion due to the time we were arrived on the planet and didn't think it was prudent to be sleeping in the counselor's actual house, being I still had to earn her trust.

Note of my own: I did miss the part of it being a dream. That was my mistake. ~AK

The ambulance sped off with Jara and Brimstone aboard. Brimstone was still being sedated as Jara didn't want him to know the route they were taking to the Society of the Dark Horizon base of operations. Jara was still fuming that the jedi hunter took out her best sniper team after she had worked so hard to get them past the security systems.

Anshar was supposed to be dead. That was what was to be her main target. That's why she was on Dathomir trying to set up Brimstone back then. Anshar was supposed to be rancor fodder, but hir master had arrived around the same time as him and the plans had to change.

"Now what to do about the chiss" Jara thought. She looked at him with contempt but also awe as she could see he was still an apprentice and not learned fully into the ways of the Force. If she could convert him to join her way of thinking, she could be rid of Anshar and Maryis once and for all. That was the ultimate plan, to get rid of the ones who took away Oterion.

The ambulance finally got to a rendevous location and both Jara and Dar loaded Brimstone into the other vehicle they had planned for the snipers getaway. They then made it look like the ambulance was ambushed by their order and set explosives to go off after 5 minutes. That should be enough time for them to get far away from there.


Maryis and Anshar sat in the makeshift morgue, in the medical center, looking at the body of the dead sniper. Maryis had ordered all personnel out of the room so she could get to work at reading what was left of his mind before decay set in and the information of the Society of the Dark Horizon.

Anshar watched as she went to work, calling on the force and using her powers to try to transcribe the information in the dead man's mind.

"Too bad my apprentice loped off the other's head, could use two minds to get more info" said Anshar.

"Yeah that would have been helpful to piece the puzzle together" Maryis replied.

Anshar could feel the darkside of the Force churning as maryis went to work.

"I am going to go check on my student, I will be right back, ok?" asked Anshar.

Maryis didn't reply.


Anshar made his way to the other infirmary to check on his student. He walked in and couldn't find him anywhere. Anshar then felt something was wrong as the ambulance carrying his student should had been there already or even before since it left before they arrived.

Anshar went to one of the medical droids to ask where Brimstone was, but got the reply he had feared, that he was not there and there was no record of any ambulance sent to retrieve any injured to be brought here. Anshar dashed out and went back to Maryis with the bad news. His student was missing. Anshar pulled out his transmitter to send an alert to Brimstone to try to get a response.


As Dar and Jara drove back to their base, they were unaware of the silent transmitter that just turned on in Brimstone's clothes. Little did they know that they were possibly being tracked. Brimstone still layed motionless.


16-07-2008 23:16:27

[Some comments on your previous post:

Not a bad post. As a plot suggestion, I wouldn’t have had Anshar use the transmitter, but rather the Force. Especially as a Krath Master, Anshar shouldn’t have any trouble finding someone, especially a student. But, the transmitter works, too.]

By the time Anshar returned to Maryis’ residence, the commotion had subsided. A few guards still patrolled the perimeter, but many had been dismissed. Aldan was with Mariys in her study.

“No sign of him, I suppose,” said Maryis. Anshar shook his head.

“Regardless, I do not believe the Chiss was a target,” said Aldan. “At least, he was not the main target. I believe the true target was Master Anshar.”

“Aldan, you mentioned that the Society of the Dark Horizon was still active,” said Anshar. “Tell me what you can.” Aldan looked at Maryis a bit apprehensively, but then straightened up.

“I will tell you what I am able to,” he said. “My direct superiors have encouraged me not to share some of this information. However, given the recent situation, I believe I am free of any security restrictions.” Aldan took a deep breath before continuing. “The Society was Oterion’s vessel for corrupting the Colony and turning it into a full fledged Dark Jedi society. Of course, he was chased from here, and eventually you killed him, Master Anshar. However, many of his supporters remained behind, but the Council made the decision to grant blanket amnesty in order to heal the Colony. We have reason to believe that one of them is the student Jara.” Maryis did not say anything.

“The Society has been moving in the background, and they have a more sizeable following than many in the Colony would like to believe. Still, their core rests in five people in particular,” reported Aldan. “I can, without naming names, state that those five have at least two Councilors under their control. They have two objectives: one is to kill Anshar in revenge. The other is to take control of the Colony.”

“So what do they want with the Chiss?” asked Maryis.

“Probably to corrupt him to their side,” said Anshar. “That and perhaps they hope to use him to lure me out. If that is the case, they really needn’t bother. I’m more than willing to dispatch each one of them to their deaths with or without Brimstone.” Aldan’s communicator beeped. A few garbled words were traded.

“Masters, I’m afraid I must leave for now,” said Aldan. “I shall call on you when my superiors have decided what operation to undertake.” He bowed and left, leaving Anshar and Maryis alone.

“Anshar, before you go, too, I believe it is time you know what is really going on,” said Maryis. “Aldan, while certainly our ally now, still serves his superiors. Like the clans of your Brotherhood, there are factions within the colony. Aldan and his superiors will undoubtedly help you eliminate the society, or perhaps it is the other way around, but they have their own goals. They will twist this however they can.”

“And your goals?” asked Anshar.

“I have none,” said Maryis. “At least, not anymore. Truthfully, Anshar, after the death of my husband and daughter, I have little drive do anything of such importance. I had hoped that Jara could be saved, and that she might fill a void in my life, but it appears that I was wrong.”

“So you knew this whole time?” asked Anshar.

“Yes,” replied Maryis. “Anshar, promise me that you will let her live.”

“That will depend entirely upon her,” replied Anshar.

* * *

“Aldan will lead the team to eradicate the Society. While there, the team will either find or plant the evidence necessary to remove the two Council members associated with them.”

“And Maryis?”

“Her own apprentice is one of them. The scandal alone will open her seat. And then we will have enough votes to control the Colony.”


18-07-2008 01:06:05

I didn't want to use the force for you to sense due to that there might be someone just as powerful leading this society that might detect your "probes" and set Jara off. the comm device was something that the brother hood made that was force immune and undetectable, that was made to help allow masters and students to remain in communication without enemy presence wary of the info. Thought you might like this

Jara and Dar arrived back at the hidden society fortress. Brimstone was carted off and still unconscience from the prior battle. Jara met up with one of the leaders to discuss what to do.

"Why did you bring him here? Don't you think Anshar would have found him in the force?" asked Octavian

"I think he could learn to follow our ways, and what better way to kill our leaders killer than his own student to turn on him. This chiss is powerful and strong in the force and would make a good vessil for our Lord's posession" replied Jara.

"So you think this chiss could do it?"

"I think he can. he has the gift of dream walking and has used it to see the future. That I believe was how he found our sniper team before they could kill Anshar."

"And what about you? You coming here more than guarantees that you can not be an asset as a spy on Maryis."

"That was inevitable. She could not teach me any more than what you have already taught me. In fact, I believe that someone is getting ready to attack if not infiltraite us to plant evidence against the Council of the Colony. Just call it intuition, but I can feel it."

The two continued to talk.


"Are you feeling ok?" asked the medical staff as Brimstone woke up in the infirmary.

"I can't remember anything. Whe..where...where are we?" stuttered Brimstone.

"In Maryis private medical unit. Your Master Anshar is busy with her deciphering the whereabouts of those who tried to kill you and him."

"I seem to remember that, that I killed two snipers, but after that, everything is hazy."

Brimstone tried to sit up, but the medic just told him to continue resting. IV fluids where being pumped into his arm, as well as a narcotic only known on the planet to cause memory loss and lapse of judgements. The treaments were ordered to start to help brim the jedi hunter to their side of the battle. With time, they should be able to convince the chiss to join their cause.


Anshar was back in his room, meditating. He could sense the area to the north of where brimstone was, but not the exact location. He could also tell that his student was being drugged due to the stupor he felt. Brimstone was a strong minded individual and Anshar felt that this was the trial his student needed to push him into the next level of the darkside.

Anshar heard a beep coming from the door to his room. He got up and opened the door to find Maryis.

"Anything yet?" she asked.

"Well they are working on him now, drugging him to help work his mind to turn him. But I don't think they ever dealt with a chiss, especially one that was trained to be a soldier from birth. Going to be hard for them, which should give me time to find their location" replied Anshar.

"Well Jara just commed me. She says she is injured and that Brimstone was taken captive. She faked she was dead to let the Society leave here behind. I sent a squadron of security to the location of the destroyed ambulance that she gave us."

"Do you think she has turned against you?"

"I know she has. I was hoping the years I devoted to her would set her straight. Bringing her here will give me a chance to extract the info we need before I put her to death."

"That has got to hurt, the betrayal I mean."

"Yes.... It does."


Brimstone was sitting up now eating the dinner they served. As soon as the staff were not in sight, Brimstone pulled out the transmitter hidden in his clothing, and returned the signal back to his master. He knew he was in danger and it was taking all of his effort in the Force and his prior military training to negate the effects of the drugs that he was getting.

"They must think I am a fool. The walls and construction of this place is nothing near as carfted as the colony" thought Brimstone to himself. "I just hope that if I do make it out alive, that I have proven myself to him, my master."

Brimstone returned the comm device back to its hidden compartment and finished eating.


26-07-2008 23:30:07

Anshar was not the least bit surprised by the looks of distrust that the assembled Colomari Jedi gave him. They had every reason to distrust him. Still, help was help, and their eagerness to destroy the threat to their home outweighed their mistrust of Anshar. It was, Anshar reflected, not very different from the mentality many in Tarentum possessed.

“Everyone,” said Aldan. “We have located the enemy base, thanks to the apparent efforts of one of our guests. Each of you has received the profiles of every identified member of the Society. As of an hour ago, we have confirmed that a core group of the enemy is in hiding outside the colony. This group consists of their most hardcore members, and they are some of the most dangerous. We must exercise caution, but we cannot afford to pass up this opportunity.” The others gave their nods of approval. Aldan dismissed the briefing and led the group to their speeders.

* * *

Dar watched as Jara practiced against the remotes. Her own saber skills were vastly improving. Before his death, Oterion might have even killed Dar and replaced him with Jara by now, but Dar chose to run the society differently. Even the strongest warrior could still lose; Oterion’s death had proven that to Dar. Dar himself had had a run in with Anshar during the botched mission on Kelna. Back then, Dar had just been a novice, exuding more confidence than understanding, and Anshar had completely humiliated him. And yet, he had left the Twi’lek alive for some reason. It wasn’t just revenge for Oterion that Dar wanted; he also needed to vindicate himself.

“Master Dar,” said a Society member, “Reports from the Colony indicate that a security team is moving towards our current location. As expected, Aldan is leading the team.” Dar nodded. It was as he expected and he had planned for it. There was still some time, though. He signaled Jara. It was time the two of them learned some more about this dream walking. If nothing came of it, then Dar would simply kill the Chiss.

* * *
Despite his best efforts, Brimstone had finally succumbed to the drugs. His last fleeting thought before drifting off was that he had accomplished as much as he could. His dreams began again, almost picking up where they had left off. Once again, as he faced his death with the five members of the Society, he saw Anshar standing there, a rare smile on his face. This time, however, it was different. Brimstone could make out a bit more of Anshar’s face, and his lips were moving. He could not hear what was being said, but a sudden surge of energy rippled through the life like dream.


03-08-2008 18:00:04

"Brimstone. This is what will happen in the reality you are dreaming. I suggest you take cover quickly."

This were the words Brimstone could see under Anshar's breath as the ripple of force pulsated through the swarm of enemies, as Anshar and Maryis destroyed those in attendance. Brimstone felt the brunt of the force and anticipated the attack seconds before it hit him like a concussion grenade does.

Brimstone saw that Dar was on top of Anshar quickly as well as Jara on top of her former master, Maryis. Both were beating them backwards and winning. Brimstone qould not move due to the blast had amputated his legs and arms. As he watched Dar and Jara strike down both Anshar and Maryis, he subsided to his own death.


Brimstone woke up to realize that he was not being monitored anymore. Both Jara and Dar had left the rooms. He had an uneasy feeling that they somehow they been monitoring his dreams and been using him to see how his master was going to fight and what techniques would serve them in his defeat.

Brimstone knew what he had to do now. But first, he had to get the drugs out of his system or he would do the incoming forces no good. Seeing that he was alone, he called upon the force to give him strength in his legs and he made his way over to the medicine cabinet and opened it to find all sorts of drugs inside. He remembered his days in the Chiss Military and how to make potions to negate side effects of drugs. Brimstone thanked the stars that these people also had the same ingredients and quickly mixed up an elixor and injected it into his neck fast. It would only take 2-3 minutes for it to kick in.


Anshar's force was coming in from the south and Maryis' was coming from the west. They were leading a simultanious assault to hit them from multiple directions. If it wasn't for the mountains, they would had attacked from the east and north too, but this way would box them in the trap.

The battle started fast and quick. Both sides extracting huge amounts of punishments on each other and the body count was rising fast. Laser blasts and lightsabers were hitting their intended targets. Dar and Jara was killing off the incoming troops with their skills quickly. Anshar and Maryis knew it was only time for them to engage the enemy.

Brimstone made it out and saw the battle was ensued. He picked up a lightsaber of one of the enemy that had fallen and marched towards where Jara was, deflecting blasts along the way.

Jara felt her danger sense kick in as a strike came towards her backside and whirled around to parry Brimstone's saber.

"I am in no mood to toy with you" she yelled. "You are no match to me and my skills and would rather have you join us in our cause instead of against us. We have seen your dreams as well and know the outcome will be our victory."

"If that was true, then you already know that I can change the outcome to suit my intrests" retorted Brimstone.

Brimstone and Jara slashed and parried each other back and forth. Just then 4 others of Jara's forces with lightsabers in hand arrived and it was now 5 vs 1 against Brimstone, exactly like he saw in his dreams. As he defended himself against the onslaught, he saw that Anshar had moved over towards where he could see him. The noise was too loud for Brimstone to hear Anshar yell at him, but could make out Anshar's mouth and him telling him to take cover.

With enhanced prowess through the Force, Brimstone leapt backwards and on top of the nearest building and then ducked behind the walls as Anshar unleashed a blast channeled through the Force into all 5 of the people that the Jedi Hunter was just fighting. Only Jara was able to leap out of the way as the other 4 were obliterated where they stood.

As soon as Jara landed, Anshar was on her fast with his crimsom blade, pelting her down in an fierce attack. Dar saw this and tried to take the battle to Anshar to make it 2 on 1. Maryis sensed this was happening and joined into the frey.

Brimstone looked down and noticed that he still had his legs and arms. The dream didn't come true and he survived. He grabbed his weapon and leapt back down to the rear. He watched in amazement as Anshar and Maryis were holding ground and noticed that Dar and Jara were now on the offensive.

They had both the masters backing up from the attack. Brimstone ignited his lightsaber and charged in. Now it was 3 on 2 and Dar and Jara both realized that what they had seen in Brimstone's dreams were not working for them.

Brimstone slashed at Dar's back, but was blocked with a reverse guard. Anshar attacked at the same time to his front and Dar spun his blade around to block that. This attack was kept up by both of them on Dar and it was soon working to break down and wear him out.

Jara was holding her ground with Maryis as apparently they were equals in their fighting styles.

Brimstone did a sweep of Dar's legs, but he felt it coming and leapt up. What he didn't sense was that Anshar threw his blade at Dar and hit him square in the sternum. As Dar came down, Brimstone slashed at his legs and severed them at the thighs, dropping him in a pool of blood. Anshar retreived his lightsaber.

Jara saw this and cried out. She then turned her anger against Brimstone and leapt for him, but was caught in mid air by a blast from Maryis. As she laid on the ground in pain, cursing at the 2 masters and the Chiss, Maryis came over and severed her string to the force and ended he life.

The battle lasted perhaps 30 more minutes, but the outcome ended the same with Maryis' forces victorious. The prisoners were rounded up and taken back to the cities to be tried. Anshar and Brimstone left with Maryis back to her palace.


06-09-2008 00:34:33

The new house was decidedly less glamorous than the mansion they had previously inhabited. Then again, Brimstone reflected, Mariys had resigned from the council, and she no longer had an apprentice. When he had asked her if she ever intended to take another, she hadn’t replied.

Brimstone reflected on the experiences of the past several days, but most of his attention seemed to dwell on Jara and her actions. True, Brimstone considered himself a Sith, and he shouldn’t have been surprised at Jara’s actions: the desire for power, the turning on her master, and even the betrayal of the friendship that she had developed, or at least feigned, with Brimstone. And yet, it didn’t sit well with him, perhaps because it was so personal.

“Mariys has secured our permission to leave,” said Anshar, entering the room. The authorities had land locked the Midnight Aria, though they had never specified their reasons. “So, tell me, what have you learned?”

“I think I’ve finally been exposed to the truth of the ancient Sith,” said Brimstone. “Betrayal at all levels, turning on those that you consider your friends, and those that have tried their best to help you.”

“And do you think the Brotherhood is right or wrong in not embracing those ideals?” quizzed Anshar.

“I. . .I don’t know,” said Brimstone. “The ancient Sith teach us that the path to true power is by conquering everyone, even each other. Apprentices slay their masters to prove their own right. Yet, I see the Brotherhood, even with its intrigue and hatred between members, still manages to live on without these ideals.”

“And do you think Jara and her cohorts embraced a similar path?” asked Anshar.

“No,” replied Brimstone, shaking his head. “They were united by only one goal. Once achieved, they would have turned on each other. Just as . . .” the Chiss’ voice trailed off.

“Go on, say it.”

“It is like the Brotherhood,” stated Brimstone. “What will happen when our enemies are all gone? Are we doomed to fight one another once we have retaken Antei? I guess I should even ask if Tarentum will fight that fight?”

“You have asked the right questions,” replied Anshar. “Much will depend on how the entire Brotherhood chooses to answer them. As for Tarentum, I shall decide that when the time comes.” Brimstone turned the words over in his head.

“So then, are we doomed to repeat the same cycle? Better yet, am I doomed to forever remain in the Brotherhood? What of my goal to return to my home?”

“That is the decision you must make on your own,” replied Anshar. “The Brotherhood will take a great deal from you in your quest for your goals, perhaps even taking your life. I have seen many join the Brotherhood to gain power so that they could accomplish their goals. Few reach that power, and fewer still accomplish their goals.”

“I will accomplish my goals,” stated Brimstone firmly. “I have to; I will prove to others that they are wrong about me.”

“Then do so,” said Anshar. “But until you do, the Brotherhood will put your life in danger, perhaps even taking it. You will find that the best goals for Brotherhood members are none at all.”

“Did you not have goals when you joined?”

“Oh, I did, but things change. And, from my perspective now, I have achieved them,” said Anshar. “And therein lays the ultimate truth, Brimstone. Perspective is what matters. The Brotherhood has its perspective, and has rejected the ancient teachings to achieve its goals. You will decide for yourself what to adopt and reject. If you learn nothing else from me, know that my goal is not to persuade you of a particular philosophy of the Force, but only to open the door the myriad of possibilities.”

Brimstone didn’t respond. He had thought that his path towards Dark Jedi Knight would make things clearer. Instead, it seemed as if things would become less clear, at least for a little while. But, his path would be his choice, and that is when it would be made clear.