Training Grounds

The lights in the large gym-like room flashed to life. Tyren walked in, hands crossed behind his back, with Aedile Ashura Isradia behind him and a whole suite of lower ranked members, all Novice and Acolyte of rank.

"Men, this is your training area. This is your home 10 hours a day from now on. In here you will train how to battle in hand to hand combat, blaster pistols, swords, daggers, anything we can think of."

he moved his hand toward Ashura "This is your Aedile, Ashura Isradia, I trust you know him. He will be assisting me in your training."

He glanced at them once more and gave a sly smile.
"Let the training begin!"

***

Ladies and gents

welcome to the Training RO for Novices and Acolytes of Marka Ragnos.

Me and Ashura will be leading this project.

In here we will train you how to roleplay, write your characters emotions, actions and reactions, etc. This will help you in further advancement through teh ranks and bring you promotions so I suggest ALL of you of Novice and Acolyte rank participate

Furthermore, knowing how to roleplay will help you write fictions, ACC battles and Run Ons later on for bigger competitions. Remember this benefits YOU thats why we're doing it


Jalor Klestan, a Novice in Ravana squadron gave us this idea and I must thank him for it.

This is the plan. We give you a goal you write how you achieve it, and as you go along we comment your posts and help you improve


tips:

"..." - this means that your character is saying something (exp. "Get to the choppa!" )
Italised text - when text is italised this means that your character is thinking something (exp.I think this is bad, bad news! )
Regular text - regular text is everything else (exp. There was something in the trees. )
graycolor - reserved for comments and answers to comments...
*** - devides text between comments and regular post

*BOW*
I think this is a "Great" idea, and an excellent oppurtunity for me to learn, and also start to contribute, (instead of whineing), to my Clan and House.
I promise to take your comments, and learn from them! Can't wait to get started!
Thank You

Jalor had no idea how long he had stood in room sholder to sholder with fellow Novices and some acolytes in the dark room for. There was an uneasy feeling in the air mixed with anticipation of what was going to happen.

Jalor and his group had been herded into this room by a comunications droid, who didn't say anything other than this would involve training'.

Inside Jalor was a river of emotions, worry and fear where there, his left hand was twitching which wasn't a good sign, and the fellow on his right with a heavily tattoed face and scars kept glaring at him. Smirking at the figure, Jalor looked forward expectantly as lights went on and two figures entered the room.

One figure with his hands behind his back spoke.

"Men, this is your training area. This is your home 10 hours a day from now on. In here you will train how to battle in hand to hand combat, blaster pistols, swords, daggers, anything we can think of."

Sweet thought Jalor some training at last.


***

is that ok? i read your instructions and i hope i got them right.

"Today, we start with the basics. First I must see what you are capable of physically, then what you are capable mentally. How well you connect to the Force will determine your life further on."

Three pairs of ropes, 25 feet long, hung of the sealing.
"First exercise. Observe!" Tyren walked to one of the ropes, clutched it with his hands, strapped both feet around it and started to climb. As he climbed to the top he slided down and hit the floor.

"Your turn." he said as he look at them "You there!" pointed at a young Novice, Jalor Klestan if he remembered right.
"Get on the rope!"



***



Ill comment what you wrote wrong and what you should inprove...everything else is good

Jalor had no idea how long he had stood in  room sholder to sholder with fellow Novices and some acolytes in the dark room for.
This bolded part has no use in the sentence. You already explained how you and your comrades were standing in the room, therefore this last part isnt necessary.

Jalor and his group had been herded into this room by a comunications droid, who didn't say anything other than this would involve training'.
Watch for typos. Grammar is very important in fiction, for competitions or otherwise. An opponent might sometimes misread your post and not catch all its meaning.

Inside Jalor was a river of emotions, worry and fear where there...
This could have been better written. like for instance ""Inside, Jalor felt a river of emotions, he felt worry, he felt fear..."" etc. Improve a bit on this aspect as well. Making text more "colorful" with words greatly brings up the quality of writing.

Smirking at the figure, Jalor looked forward expectantly as lights went on and two figures entered the room.
This also could have been better written, like for exp. ""Smirking at the figure, Jalor looked forward, waiting in anticipation as lights went on and two figures entered the room.""...again text needs to be more colorful and less monotone.

Sweet thought Jalor some training at last.
Although there isnt much wrong with this sentence you have to look after text formating. Sweet and some training at last is written italised (Sweet) where Sweet comes with ... (3 dots) because his thoughts suddenly cease and some training at last comes with an exclamation mark (!) because thats the end of the thought. Try and keep up with this it makes it easier for the person reading.

is that ok? i read your instructions and i hope i got them right.

This is a comment. write comments with GRAY color. It is practicle because it divides the post text from the comments text.

Paragraph positioning is great, it was very easy to read, keep at it.

You're pretty good if you say you dont have much experience. Just need to work on details

nice job

Aedile Isradia watched as Tyren barked orders at the young Journeymen of the House. His azure eyes seemed to drift slowly from each Novice and Acolyte to the next.

It's hard to believe that I one started out as weak as these younglings; and to think if it wasn't for my Master, I would never have grown and become the Dark Jedi I am today. Ashura thought to himself.

The Knight First Class Envoy was merely here to assist Marka Ragnos Envoy; it was Tyren's show after all. He could feel the fear from many of the Novice's as many were aware that the Sith Warrior was paying close attention to their training.

There had been rumors told at night by lower ranked Journeymen huddled together; rumors of Aedile's death and resurrection. How Ashura Isradia was killed and brought back to life with powerful dark magic...and that magic had warped and changed Isradia in to an unnatural monster that fed on the blood of the weak. Most believed it to false, but others were not willing to find out. It also didnt help matters that Marka Ragnos Quaestor was what rumors said to be an insane Dark Jedi Master.

A slow sick twisted smile seemed to spring onto the Sith's lips as he watched Jalor Klestan approach the rope.

***

Hey everyone, welcome to the Training RO. I just thought it would explain just what is a Run-On and what Role Play was; just incase anyone wasnt completely sure:

Run-On
From DJBWiki
A Run-On is a series of posts taking place on the Forums where multiple members further a central plot by taking turns. Each member details a piece of the story, usually from their own characters perspective, though they may write about another member's character within the scope of the previously written material.

Role Play
From DJBWiki
In Role Playing, participants adopt and act out the role of characters, or parts, that may have personalities, motivations, and backgrounds different from their own. Roleplaying is like being in an improvisational drama or free-form theatre, in which the participants are the actors who are playing parts, and the audience.

Gaming
A role-playing game (RPG, often roleplaying game) is a type of game in which the participants assume the roles of characters and collaboratively create stories. Participants determine the actions of their characters based on their characterization, and the actions succeed or fail according to a formal system of rules and guidelines. Within the rules, they may improvise freely; their choices shape the direction and outcome of the games.

A role-playing game rarely has winners or losers. This makes role-playing games fundamentally different from board games, card games, sports and most other types of games. Like novels or films, roleplaying games appeal because they engage the imagination. Role-playing games are typically more collaborative and social than competitive. A typical role-playing game unites its participants into a single team, known as a "party", that plays as a group.

Most role-playing games are conducted like radio drama: only the spoken component is acted, and players step out of character to describe action and discuss game mechanics. The genre of role-playing games in which players do perform their characters' physical actions is known as live-action roleplaying games (LARP).

Role Playing in the DJB
Generally speaking, every member is participating in role playing with every action or activity performed for the club. Some are more elaborate means, such as the ACC or Run-Ons in the Forums. In these instances, several different members take part in telling the story, adding information about their own fictional persona and how they react to the situations provided or elaborated upon by other members and their characters.

It is also important to understand realism when role playing; for none of us are able to shoot lightning from our fingertips. That is something only Elders and Grand Masters can do.

Tyren, for example, is the highest rank in the Journeymen class and is able to perform all the abilities you are able to do with ease. I, although, am the the lowest rank in the Equite Class and is able to the same as all of you in character with the added advantage I have access to Force abilities only in the Equite Class... this you will see as the Run-On develops.

Macron watched the recruits from the one-way glass. He nodded approvingly as they were put through their paces. "Not bad, eh?" he chuckled to himself. The madman fingered his own weapons, remembering the brutal and harsh training Manji had inflicted upon him so long ago. He could almost taste the sweet pain still. "Tyren will teach them well," he thought. "Or he will spend time with me in the lab."

Never again would the Clan be caught unawares, or be seen as weak by Invaders. First the Vong, and then the True Brotherhood. No, these new recruits would be pushed beyond their limits until they were perfect killing machines, full of dark power and wit. Such was the Final Way.

The mad alchemist leaned forward and pushed the comlink switch. "Ashura, keep an eye on them. Make sure they... understand Tyren's requests fully. Any trouble makers will be sent to my laboratory for an informative chat. That is all." The Consul sat back and steepled his fingers as he probed their thoughts with his own iron will. Trevarus would be pleased with this new batch, hopefully.

*bow*
This is the plan. We give you a goal you write how you achieve it, and as you go along we comment your posts and help you improve

I didn't know I was just supposed to start off with anything! I was waiting for a goal to be assigned.
Are you going to assign me a writing task, an idea of what to write about? Or just write anything and post it?
Thank you

"Understood Consul," replied Ashura on the comlink, "I will make it crystal clear for them." The Sith would make sure that these Journeymen knew that disobedience would not be tolerated.

"YOU!"

Isradia's voice bellowed as he walked out onto the training ground, his hand pointing at an Acolyte who didnt seem to be paying attention.

Scuslem, who had been talking to the Novice standing beside, sudden realized who the Aedile was point at. "Y-Yes, sir?"

"What is your name, Acolyte?" The Warrior asked coldly.

"Scuslem, sir."

"Well, Acolyte Scuslem, perhaps if you dont find this all *beneath* you, would you please show everyone here just how well you would climb that rope. Perhaps a little race between you and the Novice there would show us all just how good you are?"

Damn it, Ashura, there is no reason to intimidate them all, Tyren thought to himself as he watched silvered haired Dark Jedi order the young Journeyman about. That's my job!


***

*bow*
This is the plan. We give you a goal you write how you achieve it, and as you go along we comment your posts and help you improve

I didn't know I was just supposed to start off with anything! I was waiting for a goal to be assigned.
Are you going to assign me a writing task, an idea of what to write about? Or just write anything and post it?
Thank you



It's more basiclly just getting involved within the storyline, as that is sort of what this is...writing a story. The above is just a example of that, see how I used wrote about Ashura, Scuslem and Tyren. You could call that a small piece of the story.

When writing fiction or being part of an RPG, there are two major concepts you all need to be aware of: character development and plot development. Advancing the plot and growining/changing your character is all an important part of stretching your writing skills and imagination.

Remember there is no right or wrong way to role play, for now everything is trial and error here. The most important thing to remember is to have fun! Just write about your character getting involved with everything around him, have him reflect on things on the past, his hopes and dreams...explore where you are going. This is all uncharted waters for most of you, hell... I have been role playing for ten years and I wouldnt say that I know everything about unrevealing the layers of the past characters I've played. Just have fun writing and remember realism keeps your character grounded in the things he can and cannot do.

"Today, we start with the basics. First I must see what you are capable of physically, then what you are capable mentally. How well you connect to the Force will determine your life further on." The figure known as Tyren barked at them, Jalors eyes drifted to whereThree pairs of ropes, 25 feet long, hung of the sealing.

"First exercise. Observe!" Tyren walked to one of the ropes, clutched it with his hands, strapped both feet around it and started to climb. As he climbed to the top he slided down and hit the floor. Jalor observed how his teachers hung to the rope with his hands and used his legs to push himself up up the rope. The techique was surprisingly simple, but very effective as Tyren was soon at the top and slid down to the ground once more.

"Your turn."Tyren said ,"You there!" pointing at jalor.

"Get on the rope!"

Jalor noded curtly eyed the rope, and slipped out of his rank advancing purposly towards the middle rope.

Half way there a voice spoke over the Com, freezing the air in the room, jalor had never heard something so evil and twisted.

Ashura, keep an eye on them". "Make sure they... understand Tyren's requests fully."

Out of the corner of his eye jalor saw the Aedile, Ashura acknowlegd the voices command and pointed at an Acolyte, and orderd him to face Jalor in climbing.

Smirking mirthlessly at his opponant, Jalor stood awaiting the command to climb.


***
Tyren how do i address you?

As the two Journeymen stood ready, each at his own rope, Tyren gave the signal. "CLIMB!"

The two rushed up, determined to beat each other and prove themselves to their teachers. The other Journeymen in the room started cheering like a group of immature children.

"SILENCE!!" Tyren barked and the noise ceased. Fear gripped their fragile hearts.

The two were still on the rope, they could barely climb. They were at half the rope, almost neck 'n neck when Tyren would be up and down.

Pathetic! The Knight thought. When the two men finally came down Tyren was furious.

"YOU MAGGOTS! YOU'RE PATHETIC!" he yelled in their faces. The Commander turned around, closed his eyes and took a deep breath calming himself. "Drop and give me a hundred push-ups. Until your done don't...stop!" he made sure they heard and understood the last word.

"The rest of you, get on the ropes."



***

Comments:

"Today, we start with the basics. First I must see what you are capable of physically, then what you are capable mentally. How well you connect to the Force will determine your life further on." The figure known as Tyren barked at them, Jalors eyes drifted to whereThree pairs of ropes, 25 feet long, hung of the sealing.

"First exercise. Observe!" Tyren walked to one of the ropes, clutched it with his hands, strapped both feet around it and started to climb. As he climbed to the top he slided down and hit the floor. Jalor observed how his teachers hung to the rope with his hands and used his legs to push himself up up the rope. The technique was surprisingly simple, but very effective as Tyren was soon at the top and slid down to the ground once more.

"Your turn."Tyren said ,"You there!" pointing at jalor.

"Get on the rope!"

There is no need to copy and paste your co-writers text. This is not a flaw but still its better if you developed the text yourself rather than c/p-ing and editing others. and watch for grammar...write the text in Microsoft Word and spellcheck it first then copy/paste it onto the forums.

Jalor noded curtly eyed the rope, and slipped out of his rank advancing purposly towards the middle rope.

Half way there a voice spoke over the Com, freezing the air in the room, jalor had never heard something so evil and twisted.

Ashura, keep an eye on them". "Make sure they... understand Tyren's requests fully."

Out of the corner of his eye jalor saw the Aedile, Ashura acknowlegd the voices command and pointed at an Acolyte, and orderd him to face Jalor in climbing.

Smirking mirthlessly at his opponant, Jalor stood awaiting the command to climb.

Its a fine piece of text, just watch for the word "and", don't write it to many times, it makes the text monotone. And again watch for grammar. Spellchecker is your friend


Tyren how do i address you?


You didnt close this tag in your post so the tag was visable. This must be closed with a closing color tag...COLOR, B (bold), I (italic) and similar tags MUST be closed. You can either click on the close all tags button or write it yourself.

[/...] - Where ... (3 dots) is the word you need. It can be written in capital or non capital letters and no spaces

And to answer your question: In game I am Sir, Out of Game I am Tyren

Scuslem, who had been talking to the Novice standing beside, sudden realized who the Aedile was point at. "Y-Yes, sir?"

"What is your name, Acolyte?" The Warrior asked coldly.

"Scuslem, sir."

Scuslem lowered his eyes, knowing his ways, have once again got him in trouble!

"Well, Acolyte Scuslem, perhaps if you dont find this all *beneath* you, would you please show everyone here just how well you would climb that rope. Perhaps a little race between you and the Novice there would show us all just how good you are?"

"Yes master", Scuslem replied. I could tell by the look in Jalor's eyes, he was going to do his best
to beat me up that rope. As we appraoched the ropes, the rest of the room errupted, but I hardly noticed.
When the command was given, I leaped up the rope, but before I knew it, DJK Atema was to the top and back down! Makeing both of us look weak, "YOU MAGGOTS! YOU'RE PATHETIC!" he yelled in their faces. The Commander turned around, closed his eyes and took a deep breath calming himself. "Drop and give me a hundred push-ups. Until your done don't...stop!" he made sure they heard and understood the last word.
"Yes Master Atema" I shouted, and dropped to the floor. One-hundred pushups, I'm gonna be sore in the morning!

Sculsem and Jalor were almost half-way through their punishment. They were breathing shallow breaths and sweating like they just ran 3 obstacle courses. But Tyren would not let up.

"They need a lesson and they need to know that discipline is paramount on my "campus"."

The others were half as bad as he thought. He saw a lot of people do far worse. But he would not show them this. They needed to think they were bad so they could improve. Cockiness isn't something Tyren wanted in his team.


***


Comments:

@Sculsem: Although its a good text in terms of paragraph positioning and grammar its bad in text composition. Like I said before TRY and make your own post, don't c/p and edit your co-writers. You'll lose credibility as a writer like that. Many people aren't fans of c/p-ing.

And read the other posts. Read them thoroughly, a few times if need be so you can understand them. I didn't say I went up the ropes with you I just compare d you with me:

"They were at half the rope, almost neck 'n neck when Tyren would be up and down"

Would be is the key phrase here. It indicates that if he were to climb with you he would already be done but he isn't.

Overall, you need work but don't get discouraged by my comments they aren't here to do that, they're here so I can teach you as best I can. Keep at it, improve, your of to a good start

" They need a lesson..." came the sound over the com as Macron watched. He frowned. "I see," he mumbled. The Warlord activated the cameras in his lab as the IT-3 droids worked over one of the True Brotherhood captives. "We'll have to show them the artwork. It is indeed a temporal art," he giggled to himself insanely. "I hope they appreciate my work," he said with petulant concern.

The image came up on the viewscreen in the training room, followed by a dry chuckle as Ashura pointed to it. A man lay upon a duraplas gurney, cinched in by straps and with a trio of black ball-like droids floating above him. The human's skin was peeled back, exposing the delicate nerves of his face as the relentless droids sliced and shocked him. Tubes and needles snaked in and out of his flesh, each one delivering some chemical or stimulus. Although he was strapped firmly onto the gurney, his body quivered with pain and his mouth remained open in a permanent scream. Fortunately the sound was off.

"Look well. Pray the Consul does not subject you to his tender hospitality, and Master Trevarus is even worse in some regards. They often 'play' together in these matters. " he stated firmly. Ashura nodded at Tyren.

Tyren barked an order. "Now get back to work, maggots!"

Ekeia grabbed the rope with a strong grip. Starting out slowly to save her energy for later, she placed hand over hand to pull her body up while using her thighs to push upwards and her lower legs to ensure she didn’t slip.

Looking around, Ekeia noticed many of the apprentices rushing up as fast as their bodies could muster at first. Some of the novices were doing the same. I almost feel sorry for them, Ekeia thought. They’re so foolish, young and scared half to death. Not that they don’t have the right to be. I was scared when I first joined, but they’ll soon learn it’s for they’re best interests. I just wish I wasn’t the only Protector.

Now about halfway up, Ekeia finally let out the burst of energy she had been holding in which got her another quarter of the way there. With three-fourths of the rope climbed so far, Ekeia took a second to pause and look at the status of the fellow trainees. Needless to say, they didn’t look so well with the combination of fear and fatigue painting their faces.


***************

Hey. I'm going to go try and convince my friends to do this. They need to advance rank and need more help than I do but I've never done one before so it'll be a learning experience for me to. Anyway, what I've read so far is great. Good job to those that haven't done this before.

Warrior Isradia was impressed by a few of the current lower Journeymen in the room. Those like Ekeia had a basic understanding of what was expected them them. "COME ON! CLIMB THOSE ROPES!" Ashura roared, hoping to scare a few of them into falling.

Between Ash and Tyren, along with Macron's presentation of the screen, it was surprising that none had collapsed.

This is only the simple task, thought Ashura, we shall see how they respond when death itself is staring down at them. That nasty grin on Isradia's face just kept growing and growning.

***

Some of you may wonder why I used "Warrior Isradia" instead of "Battlemaster Isradia". It is just that this Run-On begun before my promotion so it should stay that way unless myself (or Macron) writes it in.

@Ekeia: Good post, although you may it is also useful to use italic writing for thoughts... Like how I have done above.

*****

Ugh, I had it italisized (sp?) on Word. Guess I forgot to put the tag in when I copied it into the reply box. I'll remeber that next time.

"46" grunted Jalor as he did another push up, the climb had been alot harder than he had thought, he had tried to copy Tyren, but the competion with another trainee got the better of him.

Now he was on his arms straining with fatigue as he did push up after push up. the image of a man being skined alive gave him added strength, and he continued his punishment with sweat running down his face and arms.

There was no turning back now he thought to himself ans he lowered himself down for another press up, its do or die. Since an early age he had been brought up with the survival of the fittest theory, now he was learning the hard way what it took to survive.

Tyren observed all the trainees. Ekeia, one of his former team mates, now a protector climbed a rope. He observed her movements and actions. She had brains more that brawns.

She thinks before acting. Thats a plus I'll have to look out for.

His eyes turned to the two trainees on the floor. They were almost at their limit, panting like pigs before slaughter, drenched in sweat. He put a foot on Jalor's back and pressed just enough to make the man uneasy.

"Faster! If you dont do 200 push-ups it 500 sit-ups. SO MOVE!"


****


Ekeia... I like it. Really reoleplaying with the character. A Protector would truly already be a bit used to the drill training so he/she would know whats going on. Nice work.
Just keep an eye out for those tags.

Jalor...youre making progress. Grammar still bugs you a bit. Try using Word so it can spellcheck the text.

The pain in Scuslem’s arms, momentarily left, as he watched the Consul’s “efficient” use of science as a training tool! But the pain returns as fast as it left. He now looks over at the young Jedi doing push-ups next to him, Jalor is out pacing this old man. He should be able too, I’m twice his age! But this is my last chance to become a permanent part of a clan. Maybe Knight Atema senses that, and decides to push Jalor a little harder, the foot in the back will do it!
I think to myself “is it just so he beats me, or am I in for worse”? “Damn” I curse at myself, I am too old to be here. I was once a dark jedi, but my arrogance led to my downfall. I was banished to another part of the galaxy, where I now have to begin again. “Oh no”, Atema is looking my way, and the pain in my arms is back, but quickly goes away again, as I catch a glimpse of a fine young female Jedi climbing the ropes!


Sorry for not posting sooner! I am away at hunting camp on weekends, just got back. But I will post quicker through the week.

*****

Scuslem, just a quick tip from someone who's made the same mistake, close your tag under your comment. It wont show up gray unless you do.

Jalor and Scuslem finally finished their punishment. They were visibly exhausted, barely standing up. But there was no mercy for the weak. If they could not endure the first day they had no place here.

A few were still on the ropes. Clinging like monkeys.
"Get off of those ropes and stand in line!" he barked an order. All of them, obedient, drenched with sweat, full of fear stood in a line. Many, like the Jalor and Sculsem, were panting. Tyren walked to one of the Novices.

"Is this too hard for you, Novice?"
"Yes, sir!"
"Pathetic, get out of my sight." the man felt a force push him away from his comrades. He flew through the air and hit the wall with force. A loud crack was heard as his head struck the solid surface. All of them, every single one twitched, knowing the same fate awaits them if they dont obey.

He walked up to another, this time an Acolyte.
"I this too hard for you Acolyte?"
"No, sir!" he said a flicker of fear in his voice.
"Does it suite your needs?"
"It does, sir."
"Do you want to stop?"
"No, sir!"
"Good! Drop and give me 50 push-ups. The rest of you maggots 100 laps...MOVE!!!"


***

Scuslem: Watch for paragraph spacing, its easier to read that way.

You need practice with formating text...remember "..." is for text and you only close this if you end the part that the characters is saying. You dont have to close it after every sentence.

Try and write more colorful texts.

and as Ekeia said watch for tags...close every tag

Still need practice but we will teach you

The press ups had left Jalors arms feeling like bricks but he kept them moving as he ran the first of his hundred laps. He was surprised where his strength came from, maybe it was because he didn't want to suffer the same fate as the novice who dad just died, but maybe it was because the other novice, Scuslem despite his age was setting the pace, and Jalor didn't want to lose to an old man and he redoubled his pace, breathing controlled breaths, ever awear of the watch full eyes watching and waiting for one of them to slip..

My arms were radiating a throbbing pain. My hands were covered in blisters from climbing up the rough rope. My legs ached. But my mind was a lush jungle, each tree a differint thought, hope or fear. Who will he pick on next? What type of crazy excersize will we have to do? What kind of dark, twisted visage was that man on the screen, proudly displaying a man in great physical torture? My thoughts were interrupted with a loud thud and scraping sound. I turned and saw a male human slump on the floor, his eyes closed and a lifeless feeling radiating from him.

Jalor kept his concentration on keeping his feet moving as another Novice collapsed, this time ahead of him and he had to dodge to avoid running over the fallen man.

He could almost see Tyren and Ashura's dead eyes glint in anticipation and move onto the helpless fallen, like ravionous birds of prey onto a helpless rabbit.

Shaking such thoughts from his head Jalor kept running. He wouldn't become a Dark Jedi with such concern for his comrads, he was also shocked when when he found a small but growing part of him look forward to the eventual excecution, Why should jalor and his companions suffer if another weaker individual failed.

Averting his eyes from his fallen comrad concentrated on his own survival and was looking forward to what ever came up next.

My muscles were pumping and were glistened in sweat. Breathing had become a chore, air coming in short and shallow pants. I kept my eyes straight, avoiding glances at other Novices and Acolytes as much as I could.

A small ping radiated in the back of my mind and I moved slightly to the left. As soon as I had done so I heard a thump, and saw a blur of motion as something fell down to the floor in a heap of gasps for oxygen. My eyes soon darted back onto the track. I kept my mind clear, knowing that the slightest distraction would make me lose my focus and cause the fatigue that I was suppressing fire back into my mind.

Still no comments but I hope this is satisfactory!

Tyren observed the lot running around him. A few had fallen out of exhaustion. No one said they had to run hard and fast, thats a stupid illogical mistake greenhorns always make.

He raised his hand and two men entered the room going for the fallen Acolyte. They pulled him away into the dark corners of the halls. Who knows what thoughts went through the other's heads.

"All stop!" he yelled. They ceased running, confused. "Drop and give me 20 push-ups."
As they fell on all fours he said "You will do this every ten laps, and dont make me remind you when the ten laps has passed." they continued the merciless exercise.


***

Sorry for not posting earlier but I do have Real life stuff i must take care of first.

Anyway:

Kray: 1st post: its always better to write "thought" or italised text in a new row, same goes with conversations. Keep and eye on this as it is essential for paragraph spacing and easier reading.

2nd post: its important to read every post before yours, including mine where I said *** must go before the comments part. Other than that you're on a good path to writing quality fictions.


Jalor: You're getting better and better. Paragraph spacing is good, text is a bit more colorful just watch out for this "also shocked when when he found". Double wording doesn't go well with the judges in the ACC or in Run On competitions

I could practically hear several of the other students groan in dismay as they began doing push ups. My own arms were still throbbing from the rope climbing, and the push ups, luckily only 20, were an unwelcome change to running.

As soon as I finished my 20, I stood and took a few moments to catch my breath. I then started jogging. I had noticed several of the other students earlier had done so, and since the teachers didn't tell them off or comment on it, I had decided it was an acceptable form of running the laps.

As I stop and get ready to do the push-ups, I think it's good I've been through this before! I crack a half smile. My arms have had a rest, there is no pain, just numbness, which is one good thing to happen today!
I watch as Tyren summons two men to the hall, they descend upon the fallen, like hungry cats stalking the weak or slow. They are dragged from the room.
I have finished my push-ups, and continue the laps. I catch up to Jalor, without looking his way,

“hey Jalor” I say in a low voice,

“I wonder if their going to be the next propaganda tools”.

Pffft! Jalor spits a little as the air rushes from his lungs.

“Don’t make me laugh” he says, low key,

“ it’s hard enough to concentrate”.

“Sorry comrade” I replied,

“back to running, only 60 laps to go and 120 more push-ups!”

I close my eyes for a second, for I just realized what I had said.


*****

Sorry about the tag thing, hope I have them all closed. Thanks Ekeia for the tip.

Thanks Tyren for the tips so far, I will try to incorporate more colorful text.
Sry about the edit, just realized I had used almost the same phrase that was in Jalor's post.

"Excellent," mused the Consul. He left the control room and began to stride toward the training area, taking his time as the armored boots resounded on the duracrete. Macron touched the com embedded in his gauntlet. "Tyren, Ashura. Enough calisthenetics for now. Have them begin combat training. I'll be along shortly to beat the most promising ones myself. As well, Ashura- time to show me what you have learned with the lightsaber. We'll put on a show for the trainees and expose them to a real fight. Governor General Out."

The madman continued to walk, lost in his own thoughts of red ruin as he fingered his lightsaber hilts. "I can hardly wait," he giggled mentally as he passed down the echoing halls.

As the Journeymen sat on the floor catching their breath, Lord macron walked into the room. A sly grin on his face when he saw the young lings' faces upon his arrival.

"You're making good progress, Tyren."
"Thank you, sir!" Tyren replied with a slight bow.
"Will you be showing them the art of the saber then?" Tyren asked
"Yes! Me and Ashura will give them a little show. You observe as well Tyren you just recently got your saber, maybe you'll learn something."
"Yes, sir!" Tyren said
You obviously havent seen me in action, have you Lord Macron?

He turned to his subordinates.
"Observe closely, maggots!"

***

@Kray: Nice...youre doing well...a bit longer text wouldn't be bad though. But stll good.

@Scuslem: Write in the past tense. Its always better that way. Watch for grammam, and yes the tags are ok now and edits are necessary some times so dont worry about that

@Macron: Im not liking the Paragraph spacing there

I furrowed my brows at the sight of the armored individual who had showcased the poor tortured soul in the man's dungeon-like room. My mind raced as to why he was here. Has he come to kill us? Has he come to torture one of us before the other's eyes, to show his capabilties? Or perhaps he's just here to torment our minds? I managed to calm the whirlwind of thoughts within my aching skull. I had concluded that perhaps almost everyone's minds were swimming with the same thoughts as mine. Perhaps thats what he had wanted all along.

the air hung heavy with the stench of sweat and anticipation as the dark figure of Macron shadow entered the room. Jalor could not mistake the figure who he had seen torture and slowly kill a man just a few hours before. Madness glistened in his eyes as he swept the room looking at each novice in turn.

The past hours had been a big learning curb for Jalor, he now had learnt an important lesson, to become a dark jedi required more than flashy light saber duels, it also requred mental and physical strength, without which the rest wouldn't be possible.

but that was the past lesson, now the chance to see the fabled light sabers in action had come, glancing out of the corner of his eyes Jalor could see every novice leaning slightly forward in anticipation. further along the line he could see the aged figure of Scuslem, Jalor felt alot of respect for his fellow novice, the physical training had been hard for him, if Scuslem was still standing he was to be respected.

His thoughts were averted however when Macron Shadows dark eyes met his own.

Jalor felt macron saw everything, his strengths, his weaknesses, and all the secrets hidden within him. shivering from the experience Jalor was happy when Macron's eyes sought another novice. He sure wouldn't want to be the man to fight the feared Macron Shadow, Dark lord of Battle..

not yet anyway.

***

tyren i hope thats better?

Macron shadow i hope what i commented about you is ok?

There was a quick hand motion as Ashura flicked out his lightsaber and turned it on. He held the humming red blade high as the Sith looked at the weak Journeymen. The Warrior was going to enjoy this; although perhaps not on the same mad level as the Consul.

"Form a line against the wall facing inwards," shouted the Aedile. [NOW!] Isradia's voice echoed throughout their minds.

They all stunk of fear, although the hate was flowing from some of them; they hated Tyren and Ashura for the burning pain in their muscles.

The Disciple of Sadow turned and faced the Son of Sadow; "Perhaps a demonstration is in order, Consul?" An insanely smile passed over Macron's lips.

The Journeymen (and Tyren) stood facing the two Sith as Ashura and Macron assumed attack postures. [Try not to show me to shame, too much, Macron.] The Aedile jested telepathically.

***

Not bad everyone... keep a close eye on your spelling and grammer. I know a couple of learning websites if any of you are interested.

Also, keep an eye on how peoples names are spelled, for example it Macron Sadow (like the Clan) and not Macron Shadow; reason being that Macron is a Son of Sadow (which is a Clan name).

Macron giggled as he raised his unlit lightsaber hilt. The orange blade snapped to life, thrumming with evil power as it flashed forth from the emitter. His other fist was raised up palm outwards, the strange Mandalorian made gauntlet encasing his hand in black durasteel. The alchemist’s yellow eyes narrowed to slits as his breath hissed out from black lips. “Bring it,” he growled low in his throat.

Ashura’s eyes lit with a feral yellow gleam as the Dark Side washed over his frame with a shudder. Both he and Macron were channeling serious energies, and the students in the room could sense the seething power even with their largely untrained senses. Ashura’s crimson blade snaked forward in a vicious Djem So slashing strike as he screamed with rage.

Macron twirled his saber about in a Makashi parry, sliding the red blade against his own tangerine one with a sputtering hiss. The Armor Fist clad left hand came up and twisted outwards, slapping the deflected blade away with fat sizzling sparks as it glanced off the palm. A muted mutter swept about the room as the rumors of the saber-resistant combat gauntlet he reportedly possessed proved to be true.

Ashura retorted with a Soresu deflection of his own as the Consul’s orange blade thrust forward in a Makashi stab. His spinning scarlet lightsaber twisted back around and hammered at the madman with a Shii-Cho power slice as Macron leapt backwards. The Isradia leapt forward, and both fighters seemed to glide through the air for a few meters as the Force lifted them on invisible wings.

Both fighters pointed their hands at each other, and the sounds of wrenching metal were heard in the room as loose pieces of wall plating slammed into each other with telekinetic force. Both warriors laughed as they finished their warm-up routine. “Now, stop toying with me and get serious,” snarled the madman. “You younglings watch closely. As you will see, a Sith Battlemaster like Ashura is no joke.”

***

In case you are wondering what I am talking about, check out the lightsaber guide on the main page for more information about the styles and weapons. I highlighted the styles in red so you can see, although this is not necessary for a runon in general. This is very similar to how you would write a battle in the ACC, so watch closely and feel free to write your reactions and thoughts.

~Mac

As I kneel on the floor, heart pounding in my chest, like a war drum, I wipe the burning sweat from my eyes. I think “whew I need this break”.
"Observe closely, maggots!" Tyren shouted, getting everyone’s attention. My attention was already his when Lord Macron entered the room. The Son of Sadow is as impressive as I had heard. I can’t wait to see this light saber duel, for Battlemaster Isradia is one of the best I’ve ever seen.
The saber’s crackle to life, one red, the other orange, they come together in a ballet of motion. They then decided to throw things at each other, I was able to dodge a few chunks that flew by me. What a show of knowledge of the Dark Side these two are showing. Then they laugh at each other, I can’t believe that was just a warm-up! “This is gonna get real good” I think.

Serious... so be it Macron.

The light in Ashura's eyes suddenly burned yellow as the Sith mindset shifted into a murderous rage; the anger engulfed the Near-Human like a tidal wave that swept through the man's very core. This was now no demonstration. This was now a duel to the death.

The mad Consul smiled wickedly and slowly nodded in acknowledgement. The Dark Jedi stared at each other with there lightsabers raised high. There was now a deathly calm in the room as the Journeymen watch the two Equites.

Isradia then let out an inhuman roar and faster than humanly possible leap from where he was standing towards his opponent, gliding in the air for mere moment, before his crimson blade descended downwards. The hiss of the two lightsabers meeting in combat was enough to send a chill down some of the Novice's spines, as the two Sith now engaged in a life and death battle.

It was passing moment the two men danced the dance of death, neither giving the other any room to outmaneuver the other. The Dark Side rippled as both Macron and Ashura used the Force to inflict physical injury on the other; clearly it showed that a lightsaber wasnt the only weapon available to a Dark Jedi. They were clearly using abilities outside the range that all Journeymen possessed.

Both Sith moved at incredible speeds as they used lightsaber combat and Force abilities against each other, and neither seemed to be showing any obvious signs of wryness.

Ashura jumped back to avoid the orange saber, his azure eyes forced on Macron. The Battlemaster reached out with his hand to telekinetically punch the Warlord in the face. Naga Sadow's Consul stumbled back some as if Marka Ragnos Aedile had indeed punched him in the face. The madman's twisted smile was still on his face as the blood from his nose drizzled down into his mouth. "My turn, Ashura."

Macron then unleashed a powerful blast of telekinetic energy with his hand that sent Ashura flying back into the wall.

*WHAM*

Isradia hit the wall and slumped to the ground. The pain reminded Ashura he was still alive and used his Force abilities to dampen the nerves to reduce the agony he was in. The Battlemaster slowly got up and stood, he looked like hell... but then again so did Macron.

Ashura noticed his lightsaber laying some feet away from his and lifted his arm up, grunting slightly as he did, and held out his hand towards his fallen weapon. And then as if summoned by its Master will, the energy weapon flew up into the Sith outstretched hand.

"Are we going for Round Two, Macron, or have you we proved our point to the younglings," asked Ashura as he turned to look at his and Macron's audience. "Can any of you tell us what our battle was trying to teach you? I suggest you answer carefully, any wrong answer will result in swift punishment."

***

Phew! That was something... Keep up the good work everyone, hope you enjoyed that.

Jalor's eyes were sore after trying to concentrate on the dueling pair, both Dark jedi had battled with their whole being, and although the light sabers wre awesome, Jalor knew that something else was being used, something he did not quite understand, something dark and powerful, that he could feel within the two warriors. 'The Dark side of the force.'

One novice clearly over excited from the duel answered Ashura's question.

"Light sabers are the most important weapon for a Dark jedi" he squeeked, Jalor flinched as the novices broken body was thrown across the room.

Ashura's eyes moved to his own, and Jalor thought fast to adoid the same fate.

"Master Ashura" he stammerd "umm..you and Lord Macron used your light sabers to fight, but you also used.."

Jalor thought for a second

"you also used the dark side of the force".

"to answer your question i beleive you have to master the darkside of the force as your main weapon, while the light saber is secondary." Jalor said this and spent a few seconds wondering if what he had said had just spelt his doom.

As Xander was pushed into the room he looked around at the various people doing .. odd things. He wasn't quite sure what was going on but it certainly seemed interesting. Though a certain person in the room smelled like a wookie who hadn't been very attentive with his bathing habbits.

Xander wrinkled his nose slightly at the smell

Ok, so now that I am here what am I supposed to do?

"Helloo?" Xander said watching the people do pushups. Xander thought that he might possibly have missed something by coming in late, but he wasn't quite sure what.

Ekeia looked up at the new addition to the party. He was late, which was sure not going to please Ashura, Tyren, or Macron in the least bit.

Why is this Novice late? Ekeia thought. Does he not know how much trouble he will be in shortly. Or perhaps he does not know how to tell time? For sure that's something I could teach on Lyspair. However that's in the future, and I'm much more interested on the punishment to be soon dealt upon the new comer.

Just as Ekeia pulled out of her own thoughts, she realized how annoyed she really was. If that stupid Novice makes us all in trouble I swear I'll hire Macron to torture him, even if I have to pay him with everything I have.

********
YaY!!! I posted again. I've been keeping up with this RO, just haven't really felt like posting again. I've been really busy lately, but now I think I'll be posting more now. Anyway, what yall have written so far has been great.

~Ekeia Iclo

I'm not supposed to be here, but i will poke my nose in where it's not warranted anyway. While i understand the current trend in DB roleplaying is to develop a complete post that spans an entire chapter from a novella... for the sake of the sanity of the rest of your RP partners... dont stick words/thoughts/actions/feelings into another PC unless you've spoken to them first, or it's made expressly clear that you can. You dont know my character, as i dont know yours. In an age where Email, IM, and IRC are so prevelant, it doesnt take long to send someone a message saying "Hey, can I have your character say ...." or "How would your character react to...." or even "Can we meet on and RP this scene out so I can post it?". If you do the latter, my recommendation would be to split the scene in half so that you can both get credit for posting.

This post is not directed at anyone in particular.

"I don't think a second round will be needed," mused Macron as he eyed the trainees. The orange lightsaber shut off with a snap as he holstered it. The student who had been late caught his eye, and he smiled at Xander. "They get the idea. Well fought Ashura, and good work Tyren on the training so far" he mumbled as he turned to the door.

A stray thought flitted through the air, and was grasped by the madman's mind as his telepathic senses felt it slink by. "I swear I'll hire Macron to torture him..."

The Consul smiled a twisted smile and looked directly at Ekeia. "You may get your chance," he thought in reply. Ekeia winced as the alchemist deliberately walked over to her.
The Echani Master spoke as he pointed at her with an armored finger. "I sense the anger in you. Good. I also understand you are interested in the arts martial. This is also good. When you finish this training, come see me and we will spar. I would suggest bringing a meddroid for your own sake as well." Mac giggled quietly and left the room with a sweep of his red Korribanian cloak.

"Good fight Ashura." Tyren said You held up well.

He turned to the students and as he waved his hand two men pulled a table with some weapons inside. There were 12 weapons in total, supplied from the armory of Naga Sadow: A Sith sword, a Krath Warblade, an Obelisk Fury, a katana, a Sc'rath, a forcepike, a quarterstaff, a whip, a blastsword, an energy sword, a Zhaboka and a dematoil.

"Journeymen. Choose your weapon, the close combat training is about to start."

***

Sorry for not posting sooner...problems in RL.

first thanks to StarLion for posting the useful advice. Thanks mate.

and thanks to Mac and Ash for keepin it active


Anyway time for some man to man fighting. I have given you 12 weapons, take only one.

you can read about these weapons HERE!!!

REad the weapon specifics and continue.

Eyeing the table which was lined neatly with weaponry, Jalor slowly advanced to make his choice.

He didnt want anything too fancy a simple weapon would be sufficent, he also wanted to learn how to kill in close quarters he wished to dance with his enemy face to face and he also wanted to use both his hands with his chosen weapon,so he passed the whip and staff weapons.

Passing the gleaming blades, he stopped before a dark sword. it lay side on, its dark hilt held out on its stand, inviting the passerby. The blade seemed to call something with in him, something that wanted more, something wanting to be released and harnessed like never before, the blade thirsted for it.

Jalor was unsure of about this, he had never experienced such a thing before, despite the wicked gleam of the swords edge the weapon was evidently old, but in pristine condition.

He reverly held out his right hand, his fingers drawn towards the sword, below it was a small plauge identifying it as a Kraft war blade, his hand smoothly gripped the hilt and slowly held it aloft.

The moment he touched the sword it started to feed of his emotions, the pain of the training, the hate towards his teachers and the jealosy of Ekeia being chosen by Macron Sadow instead of him were absorbed by the sword making it turn dark purple.

He felt something, the evil emotions which he had controled and hidden, and they now erupted to the surface, sweeping away all the control and denile within him.

The new emotions transformed his smooth youthful features into a cold mask, his eyes were no longer brown, but were transformed into black coals.


He smiled at the sword holding it in both hands, looking upon it for a minute, his mind settled. How long had he forght to deny his anger, his hate and jealosy, the most destructive and powerful emotions he had. He was glad he had found them once more.

Glancing at Tyren he said " i have made my choice"


****

hey guys im going away for a few days the next couple of weeks will be very busy for me, so i might not be able to RP as much as i would want.

I hope i didnt pick out of hand with my selected weapon, i wanted to keep in with my characters story, and evolve it.

My limpid blue eyes scanned the weapons laid out before us. My hands were closed into fists, anxiety clouding my mind. I was tempted several times to just take the biggest sword, the most savage looking one, but I resisted. I needed a proper weapon. A weapon that I could wield without being held back. Before I had even thought of it, my hands had traveled to a long shaft and lifted it from the dark brown table. I hefted the Scythe-like weapon. On its shaft, ingaved with a fusion cutter, was the label 'BD-1 Cutter'. Appropriate...

I quickly familiarized myself with the weapon and found the different controls on it. The weapon could have its level power changed from low to high at appropriate times. It was a vibrating weapon, the shaft hallow and properly equipped to absorb the vibrations from the blade. Its six energy cells would definitely keep it going for several hours. I moved back to the wall where we had lined up before and stood straight, holidng the long scythe-like weapon at my side.

Tekryn's eyes scanned the darkness before him. He was unseay, the Training halls were, apparently, the place to be in Marka Ragnos, your attendance there gave your superior a sure sign that you wished to pursue your career with the Dark Brotherhood. Yet there the Acolyte stood, in complete silence, surrounded by only the stench of sweat and determination. His tendrils had yet to read the atmosphere. it was peculiar indeed. The halls looked as though they had been suddenly abandoned in haste. They were not the glorious achievment of the house he had been expecting, Halls lined with the portraits of heroes past and guards at the foot of each new door, armed to the teeth.

His eyes had their time to adjust and now fit perfectly in their new envioronment. The bulbass black pools began to swirl as Tekryn read the room around him. A long corridor, spliting into three seperate branches, one directly before him and the others to the left and right of his position. The emptyness was cold also, not a single heat reading from the moment he had walked through the monsterous doors. Something was out of place, of that the Nautolan was certain. There was no possible explanation as to why the halls would have been deserted so desperately, nor was there any reason for it to have been long enough into the past for the stench of their victories to become stagnant and stale.

An option arose for Tekryn, the only option his iquisitive mind would have allowed to reach his thoughts. His eyes set on the distant corridor stretching away from him, the Acolyte headed for the great chamber.

Teu enters the training hall grumbling to himself as he shows up late. He had never been late in his life always puncutal but he slipped and that was not good not here.

He tries to make it to the back of the group of trainees unnoticed. His face is turned toward the ground the back of his neck red.

***
I hope this is good, I am good at IRC simming but have yet to get forum simming down but i am working on it.

Zaxen stood before the table of weapons Tyren had placed before them as his mind swam in the experiences of this first training day. He closed his eyes briefly feeling the delicious pain course through his body from the brutal physical work it had already been put through. He had managed to perform well enough thus far to avoid the wrath and perhaps even the notice of his instructors but the dark tendrils of doubt began to fill his being.

Just keep moving. Pain is also knowledge and knowledge is power.

For a moment Zaxen saw himself outside of himself, dark, shoulder length hair hung straight and damp around his face as the humidity from physical activity and close proximity of other beings created a varitable sauna like sheen on his light olive skin. His slight yet muscular form bulged from the stresses of the training day and the chiseled face with high cheek bones bore dark rings around sunken eyes from a week of sleepless nights.

Stay focused on what is at hand.

He came back into himself, forced himself to embrace the pain and continue on. Again the mantra he made for himself was repeated silently. Pain is knowledge and knowledge is power.

His eyes once again played over the bristling weapons before him. One caught his eye but another student, Jalor, had beaten him to it. He felt a wave of annoyance as the Novice took up the Krath Warblade. It was not to be. Move on. A thought he was not sure was his own told him. Then, finally one spoke to him as if calling his name. His finger brushed the hilt of the Sith Sword and immediatly its use was understood. Yes, the other weapons where of fine make but this weapon would harness the Force in its wielder.

For a moment Zaxen stood there with his choice, feeling it's weight in his hand. It almost sang as it moved through the air. Closing his eyes for a moment he let the images of violence and rage of the duel between Macron and Ashura play through his head.

Mimic to learn, hone to win.

The Novice Zaxen mustered up what strength he had left and kept moving... forward into his destiny. Fear, anger, frustration, and pain were all there making him doubt as he stood defiant against himself. You are a Krath, you must learn. Oh so much pain. Learn. Grunting audibly he moved to take position for the next exercise.

jeez after so much time this is still active? Im so proud of you guys :'(

As he enters, Thaladred, notices Tyren Atema, master of his ally, Vorion.

Kazimirn enters the training hall mad at himself for being so late. sweat rolling from runing here
He tries his best to make it to the back of the group of trainees unnoticed. His face is turned toward the ground holding his breath

Thaladred looks at Kazimirn with a smirk, he then greets his Dark Jedi comrade.

Kaz notices his friend and nods

And extends a pale hand

Thal grasp the pale hand and shakes it. Knowing his friend is going reply with with a smart comment he smiles.

Might I ask what your smile is about?

Its just good to see you again, heheh.

Kaz shoots him at look!
So what have you been up to then.

Kaz shoots him at look!
So what have you been up to then.

Kaz shoots him at look!
So what have you been up to then.

Nothing much, just the average me. You know, killing a few things. What about you?

Kaz shoots him at look!
So what have you been up to then.

Kaz laughs sure you have! Oh man we need to keep it down ok can't have anybody noticing me.
And me always being late, you remember!

Gentlemen, can we please restrict your postings to atleast two or three paragraths and not just a sentence... Thank you.

Edit: Also, this is for NOV and ACO's only.