Acc Training Battle

Siyavash

02-03-2007 00:39:04

Siya stood motionless in the center of the Kamino landing platform that had been chosen for todays duel. A brisk wind whipped her cloak to the side, revealing her sabre resting on her hip. The air had was cool and yet heavy, no doubt due to the miles and miles of water that surrounded the area.

A sharp hiss in front of her and the familiar click of boot heels on the steel walkaway announced the arrival of the afternoons competetitors.

"Welcome gentlemen, to Kamino."

Both men looked back at her, waiting for her to finish with the formalities and let them get to their tasks.

"Xen, you are armed with your lightsabre and 25 shurikens. Malaki you bring with you a Fira blade, Litch blade and MWC Enforcer."

Both nodded in agreement and stepped away from their enemy, both claiming territory on opposite sides of the platform.

"Let the battle begin! May the best man win!"

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(Malaki will be the first to post)

Malaki

03-03-2007 15:06:30

Malaki concentrated his vision upon his opponent and then slowly drew his fira from its scabbard. He looked at Xen noticing a sarcastic smirk from the consul, he withdrew his fear gulping it down into his body ready for a surge of luck. Xen gripped the hilt of his lightsabre, ready to use his swiftness against his opponent. The hunter became fed up of waiting deciding to charge and try to draw first blood. As he strode across the platform he slashed out at Xen aiming for his torso. The epis rapidly drew his lightsabre, blocking his opponents attack away from his flesh. Malaki came in with another slash, however its path was blocked by the sabre.

Xen struck back with his blade making several attacks at the hunter. Malaki blocked one slash from his opponent, but failed to reach the second as the swift slice to his right arm scabbed along his cold metal arm. The hunter throbbed in agony and then stepped backwards from the close combat. He stared into Xenís icy blue eyes, making him shiver inside full of fear.

Malaki slash out towards Xen, aiming to draw blood. Each attack met his opponents weapon but it slightly pushed his opponent of balance from the hunterís strength. Xen made quick gap with his blade then throw a punch at his opponent. Malaki blocked away the stab with his sword but got the full force of the punch into his gut. He stumbled backwards, losing grip his sword to attend to his stomach ceasing the agony from there [CP].

He crouched back down picking back up his sword, suddenly a thunderous flash loomed through the air and then came the rumbling sound of thunder. Slower rain started to fall getting more intense in seconds. The rain hit both components staring at each other waiting patiently for someone to make a move.

Siyavash

03-03-2007 21:02:32

Comments for post 1:

Not too bad of a start. You took off right where I left off which is a common mistake in the ACC so good job here! You're writing wasn't half bad either, only a few mistakes with grammar that I think came because you were rushing yourself. The beginning is good and I start to see problems with your spelling and grammar towards the end, which just supports my beliefs that you started to rush yourself at the end. Next time take the extra moments to make sure you focus on what you are trying to say. This isn't a race, so you don't have to rush yourself.

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Stats: You and Braecen are pretty evenly matched in your strength and constitution and you did a good job with not trying to overpower him while at the same time not being a rag doll. However, Braecen is a lot faster than you. It would be nearly impossible for you to keep up with him without using the Force as an aid.

Example: Each attack met his opponents weapon but it slightly pushed the epis of balance from the hunterís strength.

Braecen wouldn't have been put off balance by you so easily because, in all actuality, he could easily have just sidestepped your attack all together. While this isn't a major mistake you could have just used [PRW] to give yourself that extra burst of speed and made it a bit more believable.

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Clarify yourself:

Example: He stared into Braecenís icy blue eyes, making him shiver inside full of fear.

It is hard for the reader to decide if it is you who is shivering with fear or Braecen. Given the training and the ranks that you both hold, it is unlikely that your stare would make Braecen shiver full of fear. Just a little tweaking and this sentence would have been perfect. (i.e. He stared into Braecen's icy blue eyes; the CONS's gaze making him shiver full of fear.)

Also, you mentioned feeling pain when Braecen cut your arm. Might I ask how you feel pain when your arm is made of steel? Just something to keep in mind.

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All in all not a bad beginning post. In your next post please just take your time, don't rush yourself, take the extra few minutes to go over what you've written to catch any mistakes you may have made, and try to add a little more detail so that you don't confuse your reader.

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Xen is next to post.

Xen

22-04-2007 11:06:25

Xen brought his blade up staring down at young human. There was potential there, sadly it would end here. However, Xen was in a playful mood. He would give the human some time to think about his impending doom. The rain had completely drenched the fighters weighing their clothing down. Xen removed his upper robes to get rid of as much of the hindrance as possible.

Xen smirked as Malaki charged yet again. Xen brought his blade up and stepped to the side. Malaki stumbled on the slick ground to avoid the sithís red blade. Xen could feel the humanís growing frustration. In a way he sympathized with him; fighting someone who was very much above your own rank was humiliating. Xen kicked Malaki in the ribs while he was returning to his feet. Malaki collapsed back to the ground. Xen smiled and laughed.

ďCome on! At least try to fight.Ē He taunted. He remained motionless while his opponent rose to his feet.