Stuff

Apparently, I've managed to piss some people off, without intending to do so.

You know, throughout my time in the Brotherhood, I've had my own ups and downs. There have been times where I've had a lot of fun and patience and entertainment in this Club, and then there's been other times where I've been pissed off, irrational and ridiculous.

Throughout the past couple of weeks, I have made a commitment to remember who I was, what I was, and what I was trying to do in the Brotherhood. And while it's readily apparent to me that I definitely need to continue working and making changes, I'd like to thank those people who have helped me see stuff, who have helped me remember what my commitment was, and is, to the DB, and stuff like that.

First off, I thank Sarin. Sarin is a person that I have respect since he came over from the EHDB, and I'm really glad he did come over. He's a person I believe in as a leader, and as GM. I have appreciated his friendship, his guidance, and his insight. And because I appreciate him, I also want to apologize to him. Life isn't easy when you have a wife, a new baby, and things going on that force you away from them. I have no doubt in my mind that there are times when I've stressed Sarin out, pissed him off, and just generally been a pain in his ass. Sarin, I really do hope I haven't strained our friendship beyond any point of repair.

Secondly, I'd like to thank Jac. When Jac returned to be DGM after the Split, I was his Praetor. I wasn't chosen by him, but eventually, he and I started working together, and it was easy to see that he and I would be friends. And Jac and I piss each other off regularly. And no matter what happens, our friendship still lasts. Sometimes, I honestly wonder why. I couldn't answer for Jac, but I can tell you that I have always respected Jac, always appreciated his opinions, and I really appreciate the fact that he gives me things straight. There were times in the past that, Jac would try and be a friend and come to me about things, and I definitely didn't handle it the best. But Jac still comes to me about things, I still go to him about things. Jac, for all the years of friendship, I thank you. And for all the years of putting up with my bull[Expletive Deleted] and still seeing the person I need to be, and am trying to be, I truly am sorry for the stress and irritation you've had to put up with.

Over this last summer, as Sarin, Muz and Raken attempted to prepare for the Great Jedi War (GJW8), there were times when they had emailed stuff to the Clan Summits, asking for input. I dropped the ball. Specifically, one of the things they wanted to do was get an idea from the Clans about which ships they were ok with being destroyed, which they definitely wanted to keep, and so on. Over the summer, I had been in preparation for school, and was so caught up in other stuff in life, I probably should've resigned as Consul. Yep. I probably should've. BF -1 point. I pretty much saw that I couldn't do the job, but you know, I hate quitting. I don't like admitting "I can't." So, in an effort to say "I can," I stayed on, and dropped the ball on certain things.

During the course of the GJW, there was a lot of stuff that I didn't like. Personally, I'm not a huge fan of the Yuuzhan Vong. But you know, the one thing I did like in the end was the basic background to it. "The DB can be beaten." I had been suggesting for a while, mostly to Jac, that the DB should actually LOSE sometimes. As far as that, I'd call GJW8 a success. It's kind of nice to have reminders of realism. But another thing that bugged me in GJW8 was the Acheron. For those who don't know, that was the Belarus-class cruiser of Tarentum's that got destroyed in the fiction. Yep, a casualty of me dropping the ball. Sarin and I had discussions about it on several occasions. Depending on who you are, and how you feel about me, I either "complained" to Sarin, I "whined to Sarin," I "nagged Sarin," or whatnot. I don't know what Sarin feels about that. You'd have to ask him. Either way, it ended up being a situation where there were people who felt like I wasn't playing by the rules.

And apparently, I wasn't. Sometimes, it helps to read the fine print. Or at least to go over the large print to make sure that you're on the right page with things. I had other issues with the Fleet Reset that I was worried about, when I should have paid attention to what was written and what I was doing a little more closely. The rules of the Fleet Reset say that "ships destroyed in the GJW fiction" must be salvaged. What a bummer. BF -2 points. (Oh, and by the way, negative points are all subjective. I'm at -15 if you like.) For those wondering, yep, I repaired the Acheron, when, apparently, it should've been salvaged. I was wrong. I made an error, and I take full responsibility for it. I wasn't paying attention to the rules as well as I should have. Tell you what. BF -5 points. Paying attention to the rules is huge, and really should be treated with respect.

Arguments happened over the Wiki about the Acheron. They weren't huge arguments, but they were still arguments. At the time this was going on, I wasn't feeling all that great. On Monday, October 15th, I re-injured my right rotator cuff (shoulder), and had to withdraw from the fire academy for this semester since I can't pull hose or anything. My shoulder is doing better, but still hurts. It leaves me ornery. I probably should've taken a week or so off. BF -6 points. Sometimes, leaves and vacations are good. However, I didn't. And what was happening on the Acheron Wiki talk page was irritating me, especially my own additions to the argument. Yep, I added to the flame. That's a bad thing, especially going into becoming a firefighter. You never add to the mess. BF -10 points. So, after seeing the kind of crap that I was involved in, and added to, and had exacerbated, I deleted the Wiki Talk/Discussion page, because I didn't want the argument to continue. BF -11 points. Apparently, you're not supposed to delete the Talk pages. I did. That's not a good thing.

So, the issue continued. I ended up emailing the DC and CONs, because I honestly wanted their input. I got some good feedback from Kir via email, as well as discussing things with him via IRC. The one thing that really struck me at the time is, it doesn't matter all the time how I see stuff. Sometimes, it's good to see things through other peoples' eyes. And I figured, you know what, I know I want to be acting as a cohesive member of the DC and DB, and sometimes, it's good to go outside of myself and face up to it. I thought I was doing that when I renamed the Acheron to the Phlegethon. Turns out, I still wasn't on the same page with some of the issues people were raising to me. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, sometimes when I think I understand what people are trying to say to me, I don't get it, or I don't get it completely. There is always room for misinterpretation. People misunderstand me sometimes, I misunderstand others.

In my latest report to Tarentum, I figured instead of just saying to the Clan that "I changed one of the ship's names," I should probably explain why. Could I have just said, "I changed the ship's name," and left it at that? Probably. Maybe that would have been a way to settle that particular issue without anymore grief. BF -12 points. I didn't handle that the best. Apparently, I've given certain people the impression that, by explaining the issue, I was trying to put Tarentum up in arms, act like the victim, and otherwise manipulate the situation so that I wasn't looking like an asshole. Personally, that wasn't in my mind at the time. But because it caused distress to some people, I take full responsibility for it. I caused people stress, and grief, and by my actions, incited anger in others in the DB. BF -15 points. Actually, BF -20 points. That's not something good to do.

So, at this point, I know that I've pissed a lot of people off. To each and every last person who, either through my direct actions, or interaction with Tarentum, has been pissed off at any point within the last 10 years or so since this Club was created, you have my deepest, and heartfelt apologies. I am truly sorry that, for whatever the reason, you have been hurt, pissed off, abused, confused, angered, or otherwise distressed either by myself, by anyone singularly in Tarentum, or by the Clan as a whole. As Consul, I consider myself 100% responsible for everything that happens in, or outside of Tarentum caused by us. And personally, I'd say I have a lot to answer for.

You know, I'm not a perfect person. I think the two words are completely at odds with each other. You cannot be a person in this world and be perfect. I make mistakes. I have made them in the past, and I will continue to do so in the future. If I've made mistakes that have affected you, you're more than welcome to let me have it here, or, if you feel so inclined, feel free to email me and get anything and everything off your chest. I've said it in the past that I am committed to changing the way that I have done things, to get back to the way I used to be, and back to the person I want to be, and part of doing that is recognizing my negative impacts on others, and making amends for them. So, if you have issues with me, please, I'd love to hear them. If you don't feel comfortable airing them to me directly, please feel free to email your Consul, or Kir. I have no doubts that they'll keep it all anonymous if you feel the need.