Stupid Jokes And Limericks

Alright folks, let's have some fun. I started this thread with the idea in mind of sharing dumb jokes, good jokes, limericks, and humor among the Clan. Laughter is good. In any case, keep it PG please for the membership at large, etc.



In that vein:

What is flat and lives in the middle of the road?
A. An Opossum

Hmmm I made this up and its dumb! And made me laugh...whilst being very very...drunk.

Sith rule, Jedi drool.

I know, I know, I am blessed with talent

There once was a Sith from Thule
He was mean, and very uncool
he fought Vader one day
In the usual way
and now he he floats dead in the pool

Keep it PG please. No sexual refs. I just deleted an inappropriate post. And- STAR WARS related for the comp that is running right now.

oh c'mon...jeez..americans...

fine then..


SITH: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
SITH: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
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SITH: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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SITH: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
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SITH: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
SITH: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
SITH: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
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SITH: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
SITH: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
SITH: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
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SITH: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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SITH: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
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SITH: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you [Expletive Deleted]t'in me?
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SITH: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
SITH: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!
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SITH: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
SITH: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
SITH: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you [Expletive Deleted]t'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
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SITH: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
SITH: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
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SITH: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
SITH: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
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SITH: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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SITH: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
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SITH: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
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SITH: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
SITH: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
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SITH: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
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And the best for last:

SITH: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
SITH: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
SITH: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
SITH: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
SITH: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
SITH: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law

Who do the Light Jedi worship?
George Lucas

Why?
Because if it wasn't for him we all would've pwnd them by now.

What do you get when you cross a Wookie and a Storm Trooper?
A knocked out Storm Trooper