Contract 022: Acheron D'Tana


25-05-2011 23:41:44

Marick blinked a few times as he studied one of the newest members of his House. At well over two and a half meters, Marick had to crane his neck upwards at the Cybernetic Dark Jedi Knight.

"Acheron d'Tana. I welcome you to the ranks of House Qel-Droma. I have a mission I'd like you to take care of for me. It should be right up your ally." The Quaestor spoke.

The cybernetic giant simply nodded his head. Marick tossed a datapad at him. With surprising reflexes, Acheron snatched the small pad out of the air in his mechanical hand.

"I'll take care of it."

With that, the cybernetic giant exited the Quaestor's office. Marick ran his hands through his long hair and sighed. He knew that Acheron was a powerful addition to Arcona and Qel-Droma. This would be a good way of seeing what he was really capable of.

Mission: Security
Class B

Target: Baam Rivers.
Objective: You are an agent of Oblivion Brigade, feared throughout the brotherhood. For this mission, however, you are to use your knowledge of assassination to protect an important asset to Arcona. Baam is a slicer, and a very talented one. While socially awkward, he is a whiz with anything mechanical or related to a computer system. He is working on an important project for us, and we have intel that suggests he is being targeted by the Red Crows. The Red Crows are a vicious group of mercanries and assassins. Some in their ranks are said to be exiles or rouges of the Dark Jedi Brotherhood. Be wary.

Baam is to survive his trip from Corellia to the Arcona Citdael on Selene. Failure is not an option.

Baam Rivers;
Race: Human
Age: 22
Height/Weight: 5'11; 167 lbs

Noteworthy stats:
Strength: 1/5 *
Intelligence: 4/5 ****
Charisma: 2/5 **
Slicing: 5/5 *****
Ranged Weapons: 0/5
Melee: 0/5

Red Crows:

Well armed mercenary group. Consists of former Bounty Hunters, Smugglers, and Guardian to DJK-level members.


26-05-2011 01:33:28

Part 1/2

<<1300 Hours>>

Acheron scanned the datapad thoroughly. He pulled a cable from the breast pocket of his tactical vest and connected the datapad to the jack in his neck. As the information downloaded, he headed to the hangar to arrange for transport to Corellia. The coordinates placed the Principal just outside of Bela Vistal.

“Amazing. Never liked Corellia, but if Arcona needs this guy I’ll get him there,” he said aloud to no one in particular.

After a short time, transport was arranged and Acheron headed back to his room to pack. He looked around his quarters and nodded slightly. There was little reason to play this by ear; planning had to be perfect and he knew just the tools he would need.

He reached the weapons locker placed into the wall and input the code to release the locks. The locker contained weapons for nearly any job. This particular job, however, he was not protecting his brother Orv, but someone completely different. Orv could be self-sufficient. This kid however was next to useless in a fight. Shaking his head, Acheron reached out and grabbed his FA-3 Flechette, a T-21, his lightsaber and a stockless EE-3.

With ease, Acheron hefted each weapon into place. The flechette and the T-21 criss-crossed his back, the lightsaber clipped to his belt and the EE-3 went into the leg holster snugly. He checked the timepiece on his desk. Ten minutes to get to the hangar, plenty of time.

<<0800 Hours>>

Acheron had always hated flying. The feeling of his massive skeleton being weightless unnerved him for some reason. Not to mention the ship reminded him of the Tomb where the Imperial Remnant had dumped his all those years ago.

A score needed to be settled, but now was not the time. He had something more important than vengeance to think of currently and he adjusted his rifles and looked at the coordinates on his view screen. According to the location he was due east of the spaceport in a seedy hostel-awaiting pick up.

Shaking his head, Acheron headed in the direction of the building where Rivers was reportedly staying. Switching his HUD to combat mode, he began to sweep the streets on the way there. Through the entire walk, Acheron noted that there was a decided lack of aggressors, which meant one of two things. Either he was early and they haven’t found him yet, or he was far too late.

Moving through the streets, the Cyborg wove his way through the foot traffic in the ghetto of Bela Vistal. With an inward grin, Acheron remembered the entire city being a thriving hub of commerce and rich marks. The twist of fate that brought these people here was cruel indeed. He was brought out of his musing by a small mousy looking fellow running into him. As soon as the young man’s face looked up at the hulking cyborg before him, Acheron’s facial scanner went into effect.

Within seconds, Acheron had the entire criminal record of Baam Rivers. With a quick perusal of the document, Acheron was mildly impressed that he was wanted on most of the worlds in this sector.

He looked down at the man, “Baam Rivers? I’m here to bring you to your new home.”

Baam looked at the Prelate and bolted into the hostel. With a sigh, Acheron moved right along after him. The owner of the hostel pointed up the stairs, “Room seven.”

Acheron nodded to the man and tossed a thousand credchip to him. Moving up the stairs, Acheron looked down the hallway to see Rivers ducking into his rooms. With grim determination, Acheron moved swiftly through the hall and stopped before the door to room 7. A loud shot came from behind the door as River fired at Acheron.

With little effort, Acheron kicked the door to pieces and looked at Rivers who was filled with chagrin and worry as the giant continued to stand. Acheron shook his head, “I’ll forgive that this time, Rivers. I’m here to take you to some people who more than likely want to give you a job that will pay a lot more than anything you can find here. I represent people who can make any of your wildest dreams come true.”

Rivers tilted his head slightly, “Any of them? I’ve got some fairly wild dreams. Not to mention…”

Acheron raised his hand, “Enough. I’m here to protect you from the Red Crows. Now, if we step right along, we should be in Port Ol’val before they know you’re even gone from Corellia.”

Rivers nodded, “Let’s be going then.”

<<1400 Hours>>

Acheron entered the spaceport with Rivers in tow. The Prelates vest and pants were shredded in places from the blast through the door at the hostel. This didn’t amuse him, but he couldn’t really hurt the one he was supposed to protect. Not intentionally anyway.

As they entered the spaceport, Acheron’s combat sensors began to go off as several people drew weapons and leveled them at Acheron and Rivers, “Leave the slicer and go, droid.”

Acheron tilted his head, “Droid? I think you have me mistaken for one of those soulless creations. I, however, am very much a sentient being.”
The mercenaries looked at each other, weapons still drawn on the pair. With a quick movement, Acheron shoved River roughly into a small doorway that lead to a janitor’s closet.

A sound of pain came from the closet just before the door slid shut. As the goons looked at Acheron in a blink of confusion, he withdrew the FA-3 from his back. The men in the spaceport looked a little less sure of themselves now that the giant between them and Rivers was armed.

“Gentleman,” Acheron began, “I’m more than certain you don’t want anything to do with Mr. Rivers, yes? You see, he has some very powerful friends waiting for him.” With a negligent movement, the Prelate cocked the weapon in his hands, “Now, be good boys and step right along.”

The mercenaries looked at each other when another voice chimed in, “I think that’s far enough, d’Tana. I’ve heard of the nearly invincible bodyguard of the Dark Jedi.”

Acheron looked over his shoulder and took note of the damaged Brotherhood insignia around the neck of the newcomer, “You think you can stop me?” Acheron snorted slightly as he fired the Flechette launcher at the group of mercenaries who fell screaming to the floor as the durasteel shards ripped into them and embedded themselves into their flesh.

Letting go of the FA-3, Acheron drew his lightsaber, “Come, girl. Let’s see if you have what it takes to remove me from Mr. Rivers side.”

The former Dark Jedi glared icily at Acheron and drew her own saber. With two audible snap-hisses, the room was filled with a white and crimson glow.


26-05-2011 02:30:33

Part 2/2


Acheron looked at the intruder, his mind wondering why she would continue to stand her ground knowing she was outmatched. Turning sideways, the Obelisk looked at the girl with a sense of pity deep within him. The girl howled and charged at the Prelate who calmly deflected the attack of his blade and grabbed the girl by her hair.

With a swift motion, Acheron slammed the girl’s head into the wall, rendering her unconscious. He knelt beside her and picked her saber up. With a shrug, he moved to the closet and opened the door, “Come on, Rivers. Let’s go before more show up.”

Two of the flechette marked goons continued to writhe as the shards of metal continued to rub inside their stomachs and chests. Pained whimpers showed Baam that this cybernetic beast escorting him was designed for two purposes, pain and protection.

<<1500 Hours>>

Acheron pointed to a row of seats, “Sit there, Rivers. I’ll be back shortly.”

As Rivers sat, he noticed that no one else was on the transport. Acheron moved to the cockpit of the vessel and spoke softly with the captain for a moment.

“Captain, we’re ready to go. Take it easy and slow. Attract no more attention that I’ve already managed so far. I really don’t feel like fighting off a boarding party.”

The captain nodded to Acheron, “As you wish, my Lord.”

Acheron clapped the man on his shoulder and returned to sit near Rivers, “Tell me, Rivers. Why do the Red Crows want you so badly? Did you steal money from them?”

Rivers shook his head; “I was working on something for your people and they found out about it. When I saw you, I thought I had failed and they sent you to take care of it. I’m sorry for shooting you earlier…”

Acheron shrugged, “Not like it did any damage. My skeleton is top of the line and a few explosions aren’t going to noticeably hinder my functionality.”

Rivers nodded, “If you want…I can probably fix any damage that might have been done though.”

Acheron shook his head, “Only my brother works on my systems.”

Rivers nodded and fell silent, holding his bag close to his chest. He leaned back in the chair; “I think I’m going to rest now.”

Acheron nodded, “Very well.” The Prelate looked out the windows of the transport and wondered how much longer he would have to baby sit Rivers before he could turn him over to the people at the Citadel. Leaning back in the chair, Acheron settled in for the remainder of the trip.

<<1900 Hours>>

“Lord d’Tana, please report to the cockpit.”

With a sigh, Acheron pushed himself out of the chair and headed to the cockpit, “Yes, Captain?”

“We’re being hailed, sir. The Red Crows claim we are carrying their property and demand its return of they will start firing.”

Acheron looked out the viewports and swore vehemently, “Is there anyway to out run them?” The Captain shook his head, “No, my Lord.”

Shaking his head, Acheron looked at the Captain, “Let them aboard. I’ll make sure nothing gets punctured.”

The Captain nodded and stopped the vessel. Once the Crows were informed that the property was ready for transfer, they began to move to intercept the transport ship.

Acheron went back into the passenger area, “Give me your data pads, Rivers.”

Rivers shook his head, “I-I-I-I can’t! The information on these simply cannot be given to those criminals.”

Acheron looked at the young man, “Give them to me. Now.”

Rivers was shocked into reality and handed all of his work over to the Prelate. Acheron took the data pads and plugged the cable into each one. As the data pads became empty, he would switch them for the next one.

Once all the information was stored on his memory circuits and partitioned away from the rest of his brain, Acheron deleted the information that Rivers had placed on them. With a slight shake of his head, Acheron began to fill the data pads with incomplete schematics for outdated technology. Once the pads were refilled, Acheron piled them together and placed them in a satchel.

Shortly after all the data was downloaded and replaced, there was an urgent banging on the outer hull of the door. Pulling his FA-3 back into his hand, Acheron held the satchel in the other hand. He had Rivers open the door and step behind him.

“If any of you truly value your lives and want to make a tidy fortune on these data pads, I would suggest you take them and be on your way. Otherwise, I’ll be forced to kill all of you. Rivers stays here with me in exchange for his data pads.”

The mercenaries looked at each other, “That ain’t the deal here, ‘borg. We’re taking the data and the slic….”

Before the merc could finish his sentence a carefully Force-funneled blast from the FA-3 ripped through his chest. The merc still beating heart landed next to the feet of the next man, “Do I need to repeat myself?”

The mercenary looked up from the heart and shook his head violently, “No, I got it. We can all be rich if the kid stays and we just take the data and go away. I think I would rather be rich.”

Acheron nodded and handed the satchel to the speaker and closed the door, “Go sit back down, Rivers.”

Acheron made his way to the cockpit, “Let’s get out of here, Captain. Before they find out what I put on those pads.”

With a gruff nod, the Captain edged the throttle up, putting distance between the Crows and themselves. The Captain turned and looked at Acheron, “It’ll be another three hours before we reach Selen. Make yourselves comfortable and I’ll inform you when we get closer.”

Acheron nodded and moved back to the passenger area, “Well, Rivers. You’re almost a safe man.”

Rivers smiled nervously, “I won’t be until we make it to where we’re headed…”

The giant shrugged, “I wouldn’t worry too much about that. I can pretty much guarantee that there won’t be anymore trouble this trip.”

<<0000 Hours>>>

“Lord d’Tana, we’re nearing the Citadel,” the Captain said over the comm. Acheron nodded slightly, “Get ready, Rivers. We’re almost here.”

Rivers awoke and reached for his satchel. For a moment he panicked before remembering that it was used in the ploy against the Red Crows. With a smile, he looked at Acheron, “Thank you for the escort. Maybe one day we can meet up and I’ll explain what I’ve been working on.”

The cyborg shook his head, “I could have easily found out, but I don’t want to know. I get the feeling it’s better that way.”

As the ship landed at the Citadel, Acheron stood slowly and gathered his things. He motioned Rivers to the door. As it opened, Marick entered the transport, “Well, Acheron. I see you’ve recovered our Slicer. Mr. Rivers, may I see what work you’ve completed so far?”

Rivers laughed nervously, “I’d love to show you, but the data pads are gone. He gave them to the Crows.”

Marick’s face went stony as he rounded on Acheron, “What?!”

Acheron shrugged, “I’m sure they’ll find out-dated tech interesting, Marick. I’ve got everything that WAS on them saved to my memory and partitioned away. I just need somewhere to store it.”

Marick nodded, “This way. Both of you.”


26-05-2011 03:27:37

_/\_ ::Debrief:: _/\_

Contract Completed.

Mission Grade -- Satisfactory

Contract Review

Technical -- Technically, this is a well written contract. Very few grammar or spelling errors, good syntax. Very easy to read. Realism was accurate to your character sheet.

Story -- Also sound. Not the most riveting or breathtaking tale, but it had a conclusive beginning, middle, end. You gave yourselves obstacles to overcome. I would have liked some more character development behind some of the characters, but will get more into that in the next category.

Style -- As i said before, your writing is very sound. What it seems to be, however, is flat. It's like watching an actor on a blank stage perform while reading a script. just moving around, doing things. It's much different when you watch a play, and you see set design, wardrobe, rehearsed blocking. I felt very disconnected as a reader. It was easy to read, yes, but I didn't make any attachment to Rivers. I didn't honestly care if he lived or died.

Conclusion -- Overall, this was a very good mission, completed in a timely manner. The mission objectives where completed in a realistic manner. However...

I want to give this a Needs Improvement, but I don't feel that's fair since a lot of effort was put into this. I do think there is a lot of room for improvement though. Give us a sense of where we are, not just by telling us bluntly with a header. The smells, sounds, of the area. Also, I think you need to flush our Acheron. He seems to be more than a "terminator" rip off. He talks eloquent at some points, and that could be a cool dichotomy to create for a giant cyborg. I have no image in my head of him, other than walking pile of metal. I think that expanding on your CS will help you write your character in a more interesting way.

I felt like i was being told a story by someone reading off the page. If you've ever seen that, it's a big difference when someone stands up, and acts out the story with hand gestures and noises when they are telling it.

Keep working on refining your writing. Overall, though, I'm really impressed with the contract's execution. Awesome work, Acheron, keep up the good work!

-Marick Del'Abbot