Cumstain and Flo: The death of a consul


05-12-2006 05:15:17

Etah had been planning this since the first day Koskian became his Master. Word on the street is that Quejo is too disliked to ascend to the position of Consul after Strategos. So that would make Koskian the most qualified candidate as the ranking Quaestor in clan Arcona. As his Masters position and influence increase so would his own and thus his rate of success. The young Saiyan had set this up perfectly, running through every scenario he could possibility think of.

Stepping on the path to the grounds of the Arcona Citadel on the planet Selen, The Sakiyan timed it perfectly. He caught up to his Battle team leader who was also the clan Envoy. She caught sight of him and walked in his direction. “Hey one of my guys has a few questions” the new-ish Dark Jedi asked as Acolyte Eclipse stepped up. Ever mindful of her duties as envoy the Krath Priest turned her full attention to him, meanwhile Apprentice Locutov stepped forward as well. “Oh Cumstain” Selene had spoken out loud before catching herself “Uh, I mean . . . . Cumhail“ . . .. “Hi!” Selene said rattled.

As the two began to pummel her with questions Etah walked toward the citadel confident she would not interfere. Also walking down the path happened to be Gavin d'Tana, coincidentally Dark Jedi Knight Devani Maharet Xyler was walking near him as they exiting the citadel. Gavin stopped to question Etah about his presence on the grounds but before he got out a full sentence the nimble Sakiyan dogged a huggle from Devani, but just barley. It instead latched on to her rival Gavin knocking him to the ground in a massive, suffocating huggle from with she could not let go. Doctors would later diagnose her with a case of locked arms. Gavin still attends regular counseling over the incident.

Etah came upon the door, which was guarded by a single Krath Priest. Etah was already prepared for him. A human by the name of Jeax Zirv he was resolute in his duties. “You are not on the duty roster, present orders and take one and one half steps back sir!” The glorified guard stated clearly. The less experienced Dark Jedi reached into his robes as if to grab his orders by he instead grabbed a fist full of silver and gold confetti and threw it in the air. “Shhhhhhiiiinnnnyyy” The once diligent guard stated, now hopelessly distracted. Etah stepped into the building, another step toward the death of the clan Consul.

He walked only six feet before a dangerous and impressive looking Battle Lord who Etah knew to be his clan Proconsul confronted him. This was an unexpected occurrence. Behind the Proconsul stands and Ithorian. “Excuse me Guardian, why are you here? Do you have mission specific orders? This is a restricted facility journeyman!” Quejo states authoritatively.“ Um, well hmmm. Well, it’s like this” the young and now possibly dead Dark Jedi swallowed apprehensively. “I was just coming to take a look around, I wasn’t aware it was redistricted” Etah stated hoping his lie would work.

“Are you telling me that you encountered no one on the path to the main entrance and our doorman didn’t stop you?” the now agitated proconsul interrogated further. “Um, yup. That’s what I’m saying sir”. Etah replied timidly. “Well Guardian you come with me RIGHT NOW! And well get this situation righted and a lot of people are not going to be happy that they allowed this security breech to occur” Before the Proconsul covered the distance between them blaster fire came out of nowhere. Freezing in their steps neither Quejo nor Scyrone was aware that there was a gigantic chandelier right over their heads.

“What is the meaning of this!” The Proconsul shouted too late. Before he could take a step the giant chandelier hit by the random blaster bolts dislodged from the ceiling and crushed him. Scyrone was dazed and wobbly but not out cold. Reacting quickly Etah grabbed a nearby wooden chair and smashed it over the Ithorians head screaming “Bas-Tyra sucks!” even as the wood shattered over the now unconscious form of Scyrone more random and wildly inaccurate blaster shots headed their way. It sounded like four different side arms and either they were toying with him, leading him with their fires or they totally sucked.

Etah quickly overturned a thick metal table sitting in the hallway near where he got the chairs for cover. That’s when he finally saw them. It looked like four Galactic Civil War era Storm Troopers that Etah knew for a fact didn’t exist any more. Then he remembered where he had seen them before. In that holo-drama, Star wars. These were the pitiful Storm Troopers who were chasing the hero, Luke Skywalker through the big Death Star. Then Etah realized that if these were those Storm Troopers he had nothing to fear from them.

Standing Etah slowly walked straight toward to the still shooting Storm Troopers. He stopped as he approached them. “What are you guys doing here, aren’t you from that movie?” Etah questioned. “Ya” one of the four still shooting Storm Troopers replied, what they are shooting at was unclear. “We were on the Death Star chasing Luke Skywalker on that extend-o bridge dealy and then we were here. We don’t know where he is but we have to get him or Lord Vader will have out balls, broiled for breakfast” Since they were most likely hallucinations anyway Etah choose not to inform them that Vader was dead.

“Well good luck guys” Etah said as he stepped off toward the consul’s office. A dozen feet later he ran into two more members of Arcona. They tried to stop him but the young Obelisk was off schedule already and had to make up time. The elderly visage of an obviously drunk Epis Alex d'Tana made its way towards him along with the dashing Dark Jedi Night Malidir d'Tana. Alex fell to the ground, liver spots and all after a quick twirl. Before facing Mali Etah donned a long bright yellow robe. Approaching Mali, the human tried to use his superior force skills against the quick moving Sakiyan. However his force attack was redirected toward himself. As Mali fell to the ground defeated Etah cackled “You’ll never stop me green lantern!”

Dropping the yellow robe on the ground beside Mali, Etah sprinted toward the Consuls office, which was not far away. However the impressive silhouette of Dark Jedi Knight Nadrin Jubolt stood in his way, Security Chief of the Clan Arcona. This was unexpected. He was newly appointed and had not figured into the Sakiyans plans. When Nadrin ignited his purple light saber Etah thought the jig might be up. But just then Etah heard another light saber ignite somewhere behind him. Etah could see the blue blade of what turned out to be Warrior Vardar Fen'Amar Ordo’s lightsaber in his peripheral vision. Vardar had been a constant source of entertainment for many within clan Arcona and for a second Etah thought he might have come seeking revenge.

But a second later the blue saber powered down and the man started weeping. He moved to embrace Nadrin but Nadrin dodged and also flicked his saber off. “What the hell is wrong with you, if you want to fight lets go, but I don’t do that gay stuff” the Jedi Night stated. “Ohhhh you don’t have to hide it anymore Nady, we can have a life together just like you said.” Varder replied hopefully.

Perplexed, disgusted and confused Nadrin shot back, “What!”. “I know already Nady, you don’t have to hide it any more. I know your Flo and now that I know Yes, yes, I will marry you” the creepy Warrior moved toward the Dark Jedi Knight to embrace him. His duties forgotten Nadrin took off running in the opposite direction. “Slow down Nady-poo!! I’ll show you how to love again!!!!” the distinctly feminine Mandalorian hollered as he jogged behind the Security Chief.

Etah moved toward the consul’s office kicking the door in. “I’ve been expecting you” Pontifex Strategos, the clan Consul declared in a monotone voice. “Now how do you expect to complete your mission?” Strategos inquired. “To kill you, you mean ?” Etah replied standing to the side of Strategos’s desk. “That would be the one” Strat commented. “The only way, your only weakness” Etah replied, his voice hinting at an unthinkable truth. “I always wondered why my Master was so enthralled with sporks, now I know why” The devious Monk stated plainly as he removed three from his pocket.

“Nooooooooooo” Strat screamed as Etah lodged the first spork into Consuls chest, The fork prongs broke off as they impacted the consul and dug into his skin. The Sakiyan took the second spork straight to the consuls neck. His breathing was labored but he was still alive. Etah aimed the third spork at the Consuls eye. The prongs dug into the eye, the spoon broke off taking much of the eyeball with it and the handle shoved straight through the consuls eye and lodged into his brain killing him instantly.

The spork in the eye looked pretty gory as the now dead Consul sat in his office chair but it was all somehow a let down. Etah had imagined much more blood. Etah was about to get up when the buzz of a light saber whizzed through the air and something bright green appeared before his eyes. The light saber cleaved the consul from shoulder to hip diagonally. His body hung there for a second still together before the top half slid onto the ground, bringing the bottom half down with it. Etah watched the consul’s vital organs spill out onto the ground and then his blood collecting in a sizable pool forming under the consul’s desk.

Looking up Etah was surprised to find Like Skywalker the hero of the holo-drama with the Storm Troopers standing there over the fallen corps of the consul. “Hey your that guy” Etah said “From the movie, hey why are you here” the Sakiyan continued. “Well” Skywalker began. I was running away from some Storm Troopers on the Death Star and then I turned a corner and wound up here, but the Storm Troopers were here too and started chasing me so I ran” Skywalker explained.

“Have you seen that hot Princess chick?” Skywalker went on. “No I haven’t” the Obelisk paused “but I’ll give you a tip” Etah offered. “Hey those Storm Trooper guys suck. They couldn’t hit the broadside of a barn if they were innnnnnsside the barn. You should turn around and fight them”. “Hey thanks” Skywalker offered as he walked through he wall from where he had come from. Etah didn’t bother telling Skywalker that the hot princess chick was his sister, as Etah was sure that he was right in the middle of some kind of breakdown and Skywalker represented some part of his consciousness. Though the Consul was actually cleaved in two, very dead and the wound was encased with light saber burns around the wound. So who the hell knows.

In the end it all worked out for the best. Eclipse and Cumstane became best friends, Dev and Gavin are still in the process of being medically separated, Jeax Zirv still loves shiny objects, Quejo along with the Consul actually died but Scyrone finally accepts that Bas-Tyra sucks, Alex d'Tana has enrolled in a twelve step program, Mali finally hung up his green lantern ring, Flo and Varder did find a whole new life together and Etah still visits with Skywalker, the Storm Troopers and many other invisible friends. Though they can only play tag between the hours of 12 PM and 3 PM when they let Etah out of his straight jacket.