Dialogue is then two people speak. Monologue is for one. You can't have an inner dialogue with yourself unless you're skitzophrenic =P
Used 'bolts' twice in a sentence. Sloppy. You can do better. Correction: You used 'bolts' five times in a paragraph. Very sloppy. Re-read your posts before posting them and you'll catch this sort of thing.
Just a little petty complaint: a WESTAR 34 weighs about as much as Maxi after he's had a [Expletive Deleted]. You wouldn't haul it, as it's light as [Expletive Deleted] - hauling implies something heavier.
A blaster bolt hitting your shoulder armour wouldn't 'nick' it - it'd burn the metal, scalding you, and if the shot was dead on, probably drill through your shoulder blade, immobilising your arm. Remember, SW armour rarely completely negates blaster damage - even Zandro, who had his SF armour on, registered physical damage from a blaster bolt, and that [Expletive Deleted] is [Expletive Deleted]ing hardcore.
You're 'dancing' around blaster bolts in the second paragraph. No. You have a DEX of 18 and aren't boosting yourself with the force. That'd be like saying a semi-professional athlete can 'dance' around bullets. Not possible. Don't god mode
Again, you've god blaster bolts 'bouncing' off your armour. Not gonna happen. See previous comments.
Blaster bolts are generally heat damage and, like lightsabers, would instantly cauterise the wound, so there wouldn't be a trickle of blood - just a tuckfon of charred flesh and 1st degree burns around the bolt's impact point.
"Inarya had no time to react, as the Sith slashed at her she just had the chance to jump back out of the way," <--you're contradicting yourself here. If you have no time to react, then you get hit.
Zandro, ffs, RE-READ YOUR POSTS BEFORE PUTTING THEM UP! Other than the relatively minor quibbles, it was a solid effort. Not particularly flashy or showy, but it was enough to get the job done.
Inarya, You've gotta learn how to write your and your opponents' characters more accurately and in line with their respective CS's, otherwise you'll fall into these pitfalls time again.
Also, if you're gonna write in the SW universe, I'd suggest boning up on the weapons you're likely to see and their effects, just so you don't get caught out like this again.
Win goes to Zandro.
Zandro = 12 points
Inarya = 4 points