Ares Rising Comment Thread

Runon training comments to go here. Most likely, it will be Tsainetomo and myself reviewing the posts. Don't worry, we are not here to grandstand or make you feel bad. What we are here to do is fine tune everyone into a great GJW-winning team! Rawr! Go SADOW!

Anyone can participate, for there are many reasons to do runons like character development besides just winning a comp.

If you are wondering where to fit yourself in, just look at what's already been posted. You could be at any one of the locations written about, or you could simply pick your own place to be. At this point, people are training and preparing for the upcoming War.

Also, just a tip. Usually when you introduce a new post, it's a good idea to write where you are at.
For example, if you were on Sepros training at the Sadow Palace, it would look like this:

Orian System- (what star system you are in)
Sepros- (what planet or ship you're on or near)
Sadow Palace- (exactly where you are)

Or, if you were on the VSDI Covenant (in the docking bay) in orbit of Inos, it would look like this:

Orian System
Inos Orbit
VSD Covenant
Docking Bay

Little things like this are very important to make an awesome post. More later...

~Mac

Post #2+ Zaxen

Damn good. Not much to say. Remember to make sure you are weaving your story into the stream (even if it's your own storyline) and you're golden.

~Mac

@ Zaxen - I have to concur with Mac on this; fine, fine work. It does a great job of telling a bit of the story and leaving an open end for the next poster in your arc.

@ Malisane - As always, stellar work. A fine job of recapping your own story and showing how it affects the whole. Awesome!

Zaroth- well done.

Xanos- wonderful as usual.


My tip for the day:
If you have a graphic signature like mine, be sure to "turn it off" in the post. Big signatures annoy the judges.

Fenris- well done. Excellent development of you as an Anzati, especially the "soup" reference. Nice to see someone who is an Anzat in the DB actually do it right.

You might want to see my above post about location, however.

Oh my god Mac you've abducted Talorthane! When did that happen?

Would have to agree with Mac. Typically, with our runons having several talented writers involved, they often start out with the characters being far-flung...but then it all gels towards the end climax. this is why, especially at the beginning, the location tags are so important, so confusion is kept at a minimum.

Still, nice job by all thus far!

Most of the posts so far look good. Remember to spell check, turn off graphic signatures, and always preview your posts. Lots of people stretching their fictional muscles here and doing good character development. Well done!

Here's today's tips:

HYPERLINKING.

If you notice, you can hyperlink stuff from the above toolbar. The link will appear in blue. Say for example, you wish to introduce a new character and would like to link it to the DB wiki. In this case, I'll use Clan Naga Sadow's


It would look something like this:

blah blah Clan Naga Sadow blah blah

This is a nice tool to add depth to a runon. Use it sparingly, however. It can that extra special thing that helps bring life and depth to a character, place, thing, or whatnot.


ITALICS

Another useful tool is using italics to represent thoughts, comlink speech, or whatever. For example:

"I think he's an enemy," blah blah thought.

The Italics represent a change of thought as far as how the information is being presented to the reader.

More to come, and I'm sure Sai will have his own thoughts.

One thing on that Mac, I'd be a bit careful with stuff like linking wiki pages during the GJW, it looks good in clan stuff where we're less picky but bear you can't edit posts for any reason during a vendetta runon so if you make a mistake you can't fix it.

Which is why I said "use sparingly".

Another tip:

Storyline Merge

If you'll notice in my last few posts, I merged my storyline with Aisha's (the non-player character).
This is a useful tool to clean-up runons and keep things focused when meeting new characters, or combining separate story lines.

Okay, more people post! This runon needs more of the new blood posting, not just us old farts. If you'd like to jump in and need help, just email me. I'd be glad to help.

~Mac

I've gotten myself into a situation. In my last post, I mentioned that I was meeting Zaxen to receive information, I e-mailed him about said information for my next post, haven't received a reply and thus, cannot post. What should I do?


Edit: I spoke to Zaxen, he will write me into his next post. Problem solved.

Ok here are some tips I think would help out a bit especially those of you new to the Run on scene.

1. Have a plan. Get at least a rough idea about where you want your character to go and how to get there. Granted the Run on is a chaotic beast but with a general idea of how to deal with things will help greatly.

2. Research. Look into the places you are at. Use the wiki to get an idea of what a place looks like, who people are, how they act and so on. This is probably one of the most overlooked areas. Many writers for instance will write another person's character into their story line and describe them doing something they would never do and even call them by the wrong name. This kills a story very quickly.

3. Communicate with your fellow writers. If you get confused on how to proceed with other characters you are interacting with or you are not sure what to do next send an email to the people you are with in the story and discuss your next several moves.

4. READ THE POSTS BEFORE YOURS. You may make a very critical error if you post an event that may have already passed or write in being with someone when it is impossible because they are on the other side of the planet.

5. Don't force it! One of the killers of good story telling is trying to remind everyone of all your various jobs and titles and responsibilities within the DJB. There is nothing wrong with describing your character BUT don't do it at the cost of the story. For example, if you are having trouble describing your job as an Aedile and say a Black Guard and how the two mix...don't try to mix them. Pick one and go with that. Just because in the non fictional DJB you have a certain job does not mean you have to have that job in the fictional DJB. Make the story work.

For example I am playing my role as Tron's Black Guard and even though I am the HMR Rollmaster I have not even mentioned that fact in the story because it would present a conflict of interest and would be rather difficult for me to explain and even if I could so much energy would have gone to it that it would just kill the story line.

Now if you can make it work.. so much the better. Macron for instance did it beautifully in his earlier posts.

6. Imagery and description! A few writers have come to me with concerns of short posts or how to make their posts better and more interesting. The more the reader can see, feel, and experience what is happening in the story the more they will want to read on.

Imagery and description is by far and away the best filler you could ever have. Here are some examples of what I mean:

---Zaxen was afraid when Tron walked in.
or you could say something like this,

--- A cold sweat broke out on Zaxen's burning skin. His breath became rapid and haggard. All the doubt, uncertainty, and weight of the universe seemed to rest on his shoulders at the moment the Overlord entered the room.

They say essentially the same thing but the second is much more interesting because it describes the fear rather than just telling you that someone is simply afraid. You can see, feel and know that fear is present.

On the subject of that Zaxen what are you planning on doing with the Meria/Severina direction?

On the subject of that Zaxen what are you planning on doing with the Meria/Severina direction?



Was just about to write you an email about that. At the moment nothing confrontational Jade and Zaroth will be doing some snooping but really I presented it as an opportunity for the two of them to develop their rather interesting relationship at least for the first few posts but I imagine that at the very least you and I if not the four of us will come to an eventual confrontation with her.

My next post will have me playing the role of instructor at the training facility. I will likely interact with Sai a little just as part of development and possibly make my way on to the Final Way within the next post or two depending on my endurance and time. I think you and I are pretty much destined to meet on this one.

Imagery and description is by far and away the best filler you could ever have. Here are some examples of what I mean:

---Zaxen was afraid when Tron walked in.
or you could say something like this,

--- A cold sweat broke out on Zaxen's burning skin. His breath became rapid and haggard. All the doubt, uncertainty, and weight of the universe seemed to rest on his shoulders at the moment the Overlord entered the room.

Just wanted to quote that to draw extra attention to it.

Building up your imagery is one of the most effective ways of writing more. The other is often to fall into the trap of "over realistic dialogue" that involves too much small talk, but vivid imagery is the better of the two forms of padding.

You don't have to be great with poetic metaphors and similes: all you ever need to do is just think about the core senses:

What does it look like?
What does it smell like?
What does it sound like?

Touch and taste can also be useful in certain circumstances, though are obviously slightly more situational as you may not want to describe what Macron tastes like, for example. However, it is quite easy to write something about how he smelled like a rancor, and made farting noises that were reminiscent of a constipated acklay.

Beyond the five senses, time is also useful. "He smelled like a rancor" is good. "He always smelled like a rancor in the morning after not taking a shower" is even better. Being Force-using creatures, we also have the benefit of a "sixth sense" of awareness that can be added sometimes.

That's a farting nashtah, actually.

Tip of the day:

COMMUNICATION

Email, IRC, or forum communication with your runon mates is one of the best things ever. One of the reasons Xanos, Sai, Malisane, Ashura, Trev and myself have posts that "fit" so well is we plan things out via some form of communication first, usually. And communicate during, for a sense of purpose. It's a good way to make sure you truly have a grasp of what some other person's character would be doing. It's also good teamwork.


CURSING IN SW
Obviously, don't use real cursewords other than "damn" and such on the Forums.
Otherwise, to express strong emotion we use "curse" words from the Star Wars literature when needed. Ironically, many are from Huttese.
For example:

Kark= "Fornicate"
Sleemo (Hutt) = "Slimy, Dung-like, slimeball"
Kark-Hound= "Fornicating Cur"
Kriffing= "Fornicating" also "stupid"
Pudu= (Hutt) "Animal Waste"
Echuta= (Hutt) "Worthless piece of fornicating dung"
Stoopa= (Hutt) "Stupid"
Stang= "Damn"
Nemoidian (to be called one) (Duro)= "You're a disgusting craven worm"
Shabiir (Mando'a)= screw up
Shabla (adjective, Mando'a)= to screw up (insult)
Usen'ye (Mando'a)= Go fornicate yourself

There are many more.

So, this sentence from Xanos' post (#30)

‘Why don’t you go kark yourself? Kriffing Huttkarker.’

Would roughly translate as:

"‘Why don’t you go yourself? Hutt .’



~Mac

Bit like in Watership down (fictional book about scheming rabbits) Bigwig says "Silflay hraka sir" to Woundwort. Given that silflay was feeding and hraka was rabbit droppings his meaning was pretty clear

Going to Vanise Tower isn't going to cause any problems really but all you're going to see is a businesswoman, even if you searched the entire building. As Malisane points out her cover is perfect she's not going to have any holocrons or plans for superlasers lying around or anything, and her mental defences would probably stand up to anyone short of Trev or Muz or simular so you could stand next to her and only see what she wants you to. Malisane doesn't even remotely suspect anything close to the truth he suspects based on that assassin disappearing she's involved in something illegal like money laundering or smuggling he thinks might embarras Agrist.

On the other hand she'd know exactly who you are and what you're up to, but she wouldn't do anything she's not about to start killing Clan members she doesn't want to draw attention to herself.

Might I point out Sai's last post. Now that is the way to get involved, even if you haven't been posting regularly. Well done. See? That's how we do it.