Black Guard

Black Gaurd, Chapter 1


Xhedias takes a small task, to the possible initiation of the Black Guard. Not knowing this, he runs off to complete the task, and get a little suprise along the way.

I liked your thoughts on the force and how your characters discussed its true power. Also the diologue between your characters seemed real and believable. My only qualm would be that your proconsul titles himself to a degree, stating how he is proconsul. If, as it seems in the story, you are known to each other in a strong degree then such diction would be unneccessary. Although from another standpoint, as a reader, it does explain things. So it is reader friendly yet a tad writer unfriendly. Which is what good writing is supposed to be, hence im confused on the point im trying to make as a reader and a writer....grrr....good work man, liked it alot, cant wait till next chapter.

KP Octa