Hey, I wrote this, I wanted to see what people thought :
Xander (Alexander) prowled slowly through the trees heading towards his target. His master Shin'ichi Endymiron Keibatsu had ordered him, possibly as a test to take a platoon of twenty D:SOG troopers and wipe out a group of miners who had not been working to standard. The goal was the replace the miners with a group who were more loyal and proficient in their task. The initial idea had been to simply go in and use the platoon to simply crush the group in a brutal fashion. However, after a little bit of convincing Xander had been able to convince his master that he should be allowed to do it his way.
It was thus that Xander found himself prowling towards his target. He had assigned the twenty troupers to fan out to cover all exits and ensure that the exits were sealed when the signal was given, and nobody made it out alive. Xander padded softly towards a pair of guards who were guiding the back waste disposal access, his years prowling back streets of Coruscant had taught him how to move silently, and training by his master had doubled even this elusive skill. He quietly came up behind one of the guards and quickly plunged a small vibroblade through his victims throat, while covering the mans mouth the silence his victims last death gurgle. Xander quickly dragged the now deceased soldier around the corner then silently crept up on the second guard choosing simply to snap the mans neck, smiling to himself as he heard the satisfying sound of the mans neck crack. Turning swiftly he raised his hand in signaled and nodded quietly as he watched the troups he assigned drag the body away from sight.
Xander quietly opened the door, reflecting on how he appreciated the intelligence that was provided on this access point, and the weaknesses in the security. From the intelligence he knew that this door was not monitored very well by droids or via surveillance due to the number of beings passing through: disposing of waste, loading and unloading goods, and going about their everyday work.
As he stalked down the corridor on his way to his first target he quietly reflected on the reasoning he used to have the mission take place in this course. Xander had argued that due to various factors the leadership in this given area had been lax. This was most likely misinterpreted by the worked as generosity on behalf of their masters. This endowed a belief that the workers, and the local work leaders had a sense of entitlement. Perhaps someone along the line had some false hope to be loved by the people or some such. When in reality all this had done was give the staff false hope, and the false impression they could disobey their masters. It was thus proving, that the problem of supposedly good or kind acts was that love of the people was conducted at the will of the people, while fear as is the natural order of things is at the will of the governing. The wise ruler build upon fear because when people fear, the leader is unassailable. Love, however allows disobedience.
Spotting the correct vent, Xander pried it open and quickly made his way through the network of tunnels which made up the environmental systems eventually finding himself right above the central environmental control. Xander dropped out from the ceiling vent landing lightly behind the first worker at the control panel and covered the mans mouth from behind quickly slitting the mans throat. Then attaching a small projector to the bottom of the security device that would fool the security team into thinking that everything was fine in the environmental room. He quickly made his way through the room using his blaster which had been modified to be silent to efficient pick off all of the workers in the control unit.
After clearing out the control area he quietly made his way over to the central air recycling unit and attached a device which was made for this mission. The device was made to work on a timer, which when a certain amount of time elapsed would inject a deadly virus into the air, and the recycling unit doing it’s job would cycle the air not carrying the virus through the entire facility. The virus within minutes of introduction into the respiratory system of most sentient beings would cause the immune system to believe that the organs were foreign invaders and cause the body to attack itself rejecting all of the bodies internal organs. The lungs would fill with blood, and pus which the victim would cough out, while feeling excruciating pain throughout their body.
Xander whirled around hearing a silent cry behind him. A woman stood before him, carrying what appeared to be a lunch box. Most likely one of the workers wives delivering a forgotten meal to him at the workplace. The security at this mine was really a joke, he would have to make a note of that in his report, it could not be allowed to continue in such a manner. The woman unexpeteddly dropped the lunch box and charged Xander a small knife in hand. An unexpected turn of events, as her attempting to escape could have led to problems. He deftly dodged her thrust, grabbing the thrusting arm as it swished past him and applying pressure to the elbow joint causing a loud snapping sound as he broke the arm at the joint, he then used forced the weapon back towards the woman as she vainly attempted to struggle against his strength. He wrenched the weapon free and used it to stab through the womans eyeball and into her brain instantly killing her. She fell, a locket falling out of her shirt, opening on impact to the ground. The picture of a woman, with her husband a worker he had just killed lay open, next to a picture of two children. Xander quietly crushed the locket under the heel of his boot as he walked by.
Taking a number of turns and twists down the corridor he came upon the last point of interest for him. He approach the outside office of the manager of the facility and directly approached the secretary. Xander leaned over and waved him hand directly in front of the officer concentrating his force ability
“This man has an appointment with the Joff, you will let him enter” Xander said still concentrating on the force.
“No he doesn’t” replied the secretary contemptuously. “He should make an appointment, and come back in a week. Also he should stop referring to himself in the third person, before this person calls security.”
Dammit, thought Xander I was hoping I could get that to work.. Sighing to himself Xander shot the secretary in the head before the insolent fool could move. Xander always proffered to do things with a little finesse, but in this case he would make an exception. He quickly turned securing the security surveillance devices and locking the door activating the closed sign before making his way into the main office.
“Who in the name of ..” a portly man exclaimed before Xander punched him in the mouth “whaaa..” the man blubbered not talking through split lips, and spitting out blood.
“Joff, your work has been a disappointment to the corporation” Xander said punching him in the mouth again, and watching the man slump over. Xander pulled out a long cord of rope and tied the man to his chair. Then walked past quickly dropping a holocamera on the desk in front of him and having it start recording.
“You are Joff the leader of this facility, is that correct” Xander asked in a clear voice
“Yes… the man blubbered” through broken lips
“Is it correct that you purposefully disobeyed orders which were handed to you, and have been fermenting a workers rebellion in this facility?” Xander said calmly standing out of recording view.
“Where are you from..”
“what?” the man coughed
“I said where are you from? Where is your place of origin
“What?” the man said
“Is that the name of your planet? Are you from a planet called “what” in a city named “who”, on a continent with no name? Or are you just an idiot? Answer the question”
Xander standing out of view of the recorder, punched the man in the face again breaking the mans nose this time. “Fine there Joff, you are boring me, back to the question, did you do as I have charged?”
“Look ..” the man pleaded “we only had the best of intent in mind we didn’t mean to questio..” he was cut off as Xander punched the man in the stomach.
“I didn’t ask for your life story, I simply asked you to answer the question.” Xander paced around behind the man positioning the black leather swiveling chair to face the recorder.
“No please..” the man pleaded “.. I know people. I can make saving me, and letting me go worth your whil..” but his was cut off by another blow to the head
“You Joff Pleskat former supervisor of the Mine 21 Alpha, on the Aeotheran planet have been found guilty by admission of violating direct orders from the Dlarit Corporation. You have also been found guilty of fermenting rebellion, and causing possible harm to the profitability of the planet.” Xander paused
“The judgment, has been passed, and your actions taken into account. The final sentence is ..” Xander stood behind the man taking care not to be seen on camera and pulled his porky head back by the filthy hair on the top of his head “Death”. Xander used a vibroblade in his hand to cut off the mans head using the force to shield himself from the splattering of the mans blood. Xander hated getting blood on his clothes, it was always such a nuisance to get off. Xander then stopped and held the severed head, which now carried a look of shock and terror on it in front of the recorder. The blood dripped down from the severed head, as the mans jaw fell open now, having no muscle control to keep it closed.
“Let this be a clear warning of the fate of all those who disobey orders on this planet. Retribution will be swift, and vengeful, obey orders or share the fate of this man, and the workers in this facility.” Xander dropped the desecrated head in front of the recording device before switching it off making sure he wasn’t seen. He then attached the recorder into the systems communications systems on a loopback play to start a few hours after the virus had played it’s role in terms of the rest of the miners. Rest assured the next facility staff, after they cleaned up the remnants of their predecessors would not be making the same mistakes. Alpha 21 would serve as a planet wide example for those who considered disobedience to the Dlarit Corporation, or by extension the Clan.
You should put your fiction on the writer's corner, you might get a better reception.