Yadar's Poems

Yadar Shyk

24-05-2007 16:24:32

Sel

Silly
Entertaining
Laughing

Yadar Shyk

24-05-2007 16:34:53

Yadar

Yakker
Armed
Dangerous
Attacker
Raider

Yadar Shyk

24-05-2007 17:06:04

Mayda

Magical
Awesome
Young
Dark
Artful

Braecen

24-05-2007 18:18:27

Yadar

Youthfully
Addicted
DJBer whom
Always
Rambles!

Nathaniel

24-05-2007 18:23:02

Braecen

Basic
Rascal
Appreciating
Extremely
Concise
Elaborations by
Novices

Yadar Shyk

24-05-2007 20:22:43

Rasilvenaira

Rasilvenaira is awesome.
As a Sith can fly good.
Sneaks into Braeís fridge with out him knowing.
Is a Battlemaster.
Likes salad.
Vicious hunter stalking the shadows.
Eats lightly.
Needs some sweet tea.
Activates her saber.
Is the best Aedile ever.
Reads books for knowledge.
Attacks enemies without mercy.



on a side note- Ras needed sweet tea at 8:22 P.M. on the 24th

Yadar Shyk

24-05-2007 21:45:45

Sith

Silent killers
Intriguing ships
Timed attacks
Hellacious leaders

Yadar Shyk

24-05-2007 21:46:30

Jedi

Just barely survived the purge
Entered the order at birth
Defeated by Vader
Indicators of peace

Yadar Shyk

24-05-2007 21:48:01

Thran

Takes Braeís stash
Has beer in his fridge
Ran after the weed man
Ate special brownies
Needs more weed




side note- this is a description of Thran for realz yo.

Yadar Shyk

24-05-2007 21:49:17

Nate

An old man
Who farts lightning.
Canít get a tan
His ass is frightening.






side note- the lightning farts was something he said on IRC. :P

RevengeX

25-05-2007 16:01:05

-- Review from a Fiction Staff Member --

I see you're trying your hand at line poems. I'm glad that you're trying something new, Yadar. :) Now, for my Fiction Staff Member duties, I have been assigned to review your poem about Selene.
Sel

Silly
Entertaining
Laughing

Unless I am misreading this, all of these are adjectives. I personally suggest trying to use metaphors. Metaphors are considered the most essential part of poetry because they are able to express emotion, experiences and adjectives in a more subtle way. For a first poem, this is not bad at all.

---

Another line poem!

Mayda

Magical
Awesome
Young
Dark
Artful

Again, these are all adjectives and I suggest using metaphors. I would personally refrain from words such as "Dark" and "Awesome", unless they are used in combination with other words to create more of an emotional effect, because they are not very descriptive in the sense that it does not create any imagery.

Mayda Ferium

26-05-2007 11:40:22

-- Review from a Fiction Staff Member --

well I'm glad to see you already took some of my advice from chat, and made some longer lines and did more than 3 lines in the later poems. Why such brevity? Just for minimal effort? Because that's how it appears.

Another thing to notice: see Brae and Nate's poems? they have a Noun in there, making the line poem a description of its topic. The challenge is in finding new and complex words to use, ones that fit what you are trying to say. Again, Nate's is a good example of it. You might have to alter words or find new ones to make things fit. Notice where they put the nouns, and how they worked the other words around that.

A short poem is fine if it is appropriate and complete in itself- in what it is saying. Sometimes it can be a challenge to use a limited number of words to convey meaning, or fit a pattern. Maybe doing limericks (with strict syllable rules) would be good practice for you. If you need an example, I'll show you a 12 stanza one I did for a comp. It was fun because it was a challenge.

But I don't have much to say about the SEL one - I think Revenge covered it. IMHO, the short line ones could all be grouped together as one entry. Save yourself and us time and effort.

I'll have other notes for you in PM. ...

Kieran

27-05-2007 15:32:47

im sorry, this counts as activity?

Makurth Mandalore

31-05-2007 02:02:14

I'm not sure. I think it has to deal with the way individual Clans are run./

As for the poems, I really liked them. If you ever do more, please let me read them.