A Small Courtesy

A small courtesy.

As I was trimming my trees today,
Something odd happened, I dare say.

I exclaimed “Hi…”
As two priests walked by.
Only one returned my greeting.

I cannot help wonder why
Only one of them said; “Hi…”
Perhaps the other was fleeting.

If he had said; “Hi…”
Would he then tell a lie?
Would it not have been sincere…?

Or should I simply sigh
At him not saying “Hi…”
And forget they were ever here…?

I loved this it was lighthearted and fun to read. An unusual topic for a poem but very creative and a good use of the english language. Two of my editors will hopefully give you a more full review soon thanks you for posting your work.

This is an awesome poem. I liked the part about you trimming the trees. one question though. what does it have to do with star wars or was it at you star wars house? Also next time you see the priest tell him to go **** off for not saying hi back. Nice poem though.

A small courtesy.

As I was trimming my trees today,
Something odd happened, I dare say.

I exclaimed “Hi…”
As two priests walked by.
Only one returned my greeting.

I cannot help wonder why
Only one of them said; “Hi…”
Perhaps the other was fleeting.

If he had said; “Hi…”
Would he then tell a lie?
Would it not have been sincere…?

Or should I simply sigh
At him not saying “Hi…”
And forget they were ever here…?




Interesting, I find it both lighthearted and deep.

And yet, the thought is very simple, one we've all had at some point, which makes it universal and easy for the readers to relate to. I like how you write about wondering about it. If you wanted to ever expand on this: You question how you should feel about it, but not WHY it bothers you.

My only grammar nit-pick is that:
"Would he then tell a lie?" (implies future action)
would be better as, "Would it then be a lie?" as I think you mean "would he then be telling a lie?" but that is too long for the rhythm of it.
Oh, and also make sure to use a comma before and after quotations - not a ";"

I liked the structure and rhyme to the stanzas, which works well for a short piece. It was not totally consistent, though. As for syllable patterns, it could be cleaned up a bit if desired.

Currently:
A - 2 lines on their own
B - 4, 5, 8
C - 7, 7, 8
D- 5, 6, 7
E - 6, 6, 8
This is so close to a pattern, you could easily change a few things to get it there, to have a pattern of: 5, 5, 8, ... 6, 6, 8... 5, 5, 8 ... 6, 6, 8

Ex:
B
I cannot help wonder why
Only one of them said; “Hi…”
Perhaps the other was fleeting.

I can't help wonder why
Only one had said, "Hi"
Perhaps the other was fleeting. = 6, 6, 8

D
If he had said; “Hi…”
Would he then tell a lie?
Would it not have been sincere…?

If he had said, “Hi…”
Would it be a lie?
Would it then not have been sincere…? = 5, 5, 8

Overall - very nice.

I liked this poem because it seemed to relate a lot to both the light and dark sides. It was also funny which helped to lighten the mood, but you still were able to make a point.

Interesting, I find it both lighthearted and deep.

And yet, the thought is very simple, one we've all had at some point, which makes it universal and easy for the readers to relate to. I like how you write about wondering about it.  If you wanted to ever expand on this:  You question how you should feel about it, but not WHY it bothers you. 

My only grammar nit-pick is that:
"Would he then tell a lie?"  (implies future action)
would be better as, "Would it then be a lie?"  as I think you mean "would he then be telling a lie?" but that is too long for the rhythm of it. 
Oh, and also make sure to use a comma before and after quotations - not a ";"

I liked the structure and rhyme to the stanzas, which works well for a short piece.  It was not totally consistent, though. As for syllable patterns, it could be cleaned up a bit if desired.

Currently:
A - 2 lines on their own
B - 4, 5



VERY well done!
C - 7, 7, 8
D- 5, 6, 7
E - 6, 6, 8
This is so close to a pattern, you could easily change a few things to get it there, to have a pattern of:  5, 5, 8, ... 6, 6, 8... 5, 5, 8 ... 6, 6, 8

Ex: 
B
I cannot help wonder why
Only one of them said; “Hi…”
Perhaps the other was fleeting.

I can't help wonder why
Only one had said, "Hi"
Perhaps the other was fleeting. = 6, 6, 8

D
If he had said; “Hi…”
Would he then tell a lie?
Would it not have been sincere…?

If he had said, “Hi…”
Would it be a lie?
Would it then not have been sincere…? = 5, 5, 8

Overall - very nice.

was there a comment in reply to that? lol

eta: Wait. I see it now - you put a "very well done" into my quote. Try deleting the quote from other posts before you type your reply, and just indicate who you are referring to.