The last, the fallen, The pure
Public Viewing* This story is being written from pre boredome and because I have lots of thoughts going through my head right now about a character backgroun dfor the Shadow academy testing..... Public veiwing is allowed.. Injoy*****
During the Jedi civil war The homeworld of the Kattar was destroyed by the sith. Due to the gathering of many master Jedi And there careless planning they destroyed the world that was held dear by those who saw the world through their eyes differently. Blind but still saw force currents and most powerfull in the Force.
This worlds destruction blinded the galexy but the one last true kattar who saw both force currents and actual vision survived onboard a republic vessal while the planet was bombarded. his own Destiny would lead him ever deaper into the force teachings as he too was influenced in the teachings ofthe Jedi.........
Corrola System: Outer rim deep space outside Kattar.....
"Commander!" the dark voice of a sith lord called and a man in uniform approached. "Yes my lord?" He asked in a trembled voice. "I feel a disturbance Are you sure all the Jedi are disposed of?" the voice came back from the darkhood. "Yes my lord their corpses were found and here are the lightsabers to prove their deaths." The commander waved his hand and 5 men approached with the lightsabers in hand.
"Very good Commander. But continue the bombardment I want this planet wiped from the galexy. Let us show the Republic and the incompitant Jedi the full power of the Sith." the commander bowed. "Yes my lord as you wish." He turned around and the 5 men or sith assassins came up to the Dark lord. "Master what do you wish of us we can sence much tension my lord. "the dark lord turned to them taking off his hood. "hunt down the Jedi Kill them. they will be scattered and easy targets." He said and the assassins bowed and walked off.
"the jedi shall no more trouble us and the sith will be free to rule the galexy. I will make sure of it. Captain set course for Korriban I think the men of this ship earned themselvs a rest for a while." He ordered. "Yes my lord." Soon the pilots on the deck took there seats and the ship turned round and soon entered Hyperspace leaving the fleet to its bombardment.
Inner systems: Corucent Jedi Temple......
As the shutttle entered the planets atmosphere it started its decent to the Jedi Temple. There a man got off and walked into the Temple and up stairs and Elavator he arrived at the council chambers where only 4 masters sat. "Masters. I am sorry for the short ntice but i must inform you that Kattar is destroyed. Seems the sith felt our presence." The councilors figited in their seats at this news. "This is dangerous news to here Master Kavvaar. We must act now..." the master was interupted by another. "We must not be hasty. Revans apprintace malak is still attacking us. We need to save our strength and focus on him at the moment and help the republic."
the councilors looked at each other in agreement. "With Revan now going after these starmaps we are close to pushing out what Malak hides from us." Varook another Jedi master stood up. Are you sure She will fallow the path of the light on that missin we of Dantooin gave her. what if she finds out who she really is the true revan and falls again?" Varook looked at the other councilors. "Then that is the risk Varook but if she succeeds to destroy what ever is giving malak his power then that will be one least fleet to go up against."
Soon the council had made their decision to keep an eye on this threat but keep there full attention on malak and his fleet and soon left on shuttles to their stationed planets. Dantooin, Yavin and some outside of the republic system.
Present; Near Kattar:
After the sith fleet left and the planet cleansed of life a small freighter appeared from cloaking and started to decend to the planets surface. As it landed the boarding plank opened and a young man ran to the sand mixed with what was made Kattar. He weeped for a few minuts and cursed the Jedi. The ones he joined in teachings. "If it wasnt for them this would never had happened. They new the risks. why did the masters gather." He punched the ground and a strong wind blew at him. He stood up and slowly walked back to his ship. "As I walk from the ashes of Kattar I fear nothing less or more then Death." He muttered and then entered the ship and it started its accent.
"Tajira? Dont do this. You gave your word to the Jedi." A man said as Tajira punched in the coordinats for Korriban. "J' almus you have served me well so far. Are you now becoming a traitor?" Tajira asked as the ship jumped to hyperspace. "No. Ill follow you." J' almus said then sat in the piloting seat to the right of Tajira. "I will join the sith and make the Jedi pay for what they have done" For about 3 hours the ship was in hyperspace then exited near Korriban the sith homeworld. Soon they landed in the docks of the space port and Tajira gathered his affects. He put on his black robes and put his lightsaber on its clip and soon he walked down the plank and into the port.
His crew stayed at the ship keeping it warmed up if something was to happen. But Tajira walked into the lobby but was stopped by a group of sith students who have as well lightsabers. "Well will you look at this. A fallen Jedi has shown himself here on the sith homeworld how brave." A man said and the group circled Tajira. "Im here to join the sith against the Jedi for my own reasons and if you want to keep your head on your shoulders you will best move." The group laughed. "you hear that. It siounded like a threat."
"Yeah lets teach this newcomer a lesson on who to reaspect." Soon a wamon entered and spread the lot up. "Only us masters will say who dies and who doesnt here. Now keep your sabers on there clips." She said and turned to Tajira. "Ah a trained fallen Jedi. I think you may prove usefull please follow me to the academy. We will send for your ship mates if you came with any." She left followed by the students and Tajira followed but not to close and soon they arrived inside of the academy.
the halls were dark blue and they soon entered a big round chamber with a mam meditatingin the middle. "sorry to disturbe you master Dhorrak but I have a fallen Jedi night here to see you he wants to propose something i beleive. The wamon said and Tajira entered and the others left leaing him and Dhorrak alone. "ah a fallen jedi knight that makes you not a student here well you wont become one but part of the sith if thats what you want otherwise why else are you here?" He said standing up.
Tajira took his hood off his head. "I am of Kattar and probably the last of my species and I was betrayed by the Jedi. They led to my worlds destruction and I will never forgive them for it. I would like to aid in this attack on them." Tajira said and Dhorrak laughed. "well you have to do more then show up and say you are angered but I see the truth in your words but still.... You must prove yourself worthy for a sith. And I might have the "Iniciation" for you." He walked towards a small footlocker and opened it and took out a data pad.
"I have received orders to send whats left of the assassins here but they all left with the fleet to Kattar. Im suprised your not angered at us but I guess it was the Jedi's fault. anywas I want you to go to Corucent and kill the Jedi there. Well the Masters that are hidden there. But if you find anyother Jedi there kill them. Bring me back at least 3 lightsabers and I will personally see to you becoming part of our fleets that are sent out. Oh and dont come back withou them or you will be killed on sight."
Tajiran bowed slightly then headed out to the port and back to his ship. J' almus was standing outside of the loading ramp. "so?" He asked and Tajira walked up witrh him at his side. "My orders for now is secret. Dont get in the way." they soon came to the cockpit and started up the ships engines. "We will go to the Corucent Temple. there you and the others wait on the ship." Tajira ordered and the ship soon lifted up and out of the hangar and flew out of the planets grasp and after a few minuts jumped to hyperspace again to Corucent.
As they exited hyperspace Tajira glanced at the beutifull planet. "It will be a shame to destroy this planet. Maybe once I get my own fleet or such ill keep it intact." He Looked at his navigatin controls and soon a holoveiw appeared on the glass. "This is Republic docking officer Dorhan Chan what is your buisness in the military sector of Corucent?" The man asked. "I am Tajira Of the Jedi order. Im here on Buisness from the Jedi council." Tajira pursuaded and saw the Captian talking to another officer. "Ok let us register your ships docking code...... Ok docking platform B37a is open have a nice time on corucent." The holoview ended and J' almus looked at Tajira. "Jedi buisness?" he chuckled then navigated the ship to the docking platform.
"I wont be too long. But keep the engines running I might have Republic soldeirs on my back." Tajir said and walked off to the loading ramp. As he walked out a master of the academy greeted him. "Ah Tajira its nice to see one of ours survived the Destruction of Kattar." He smiled and walked with Tajira. "Yes it was horrible. I was....... pained to see my homeworld destroyed." They walked from the pad to the temple and soon the master left Tajira. "Now to do my buisness." He grabed his lightsaber and pressed on to the coucil chambers and found know masters but young jedi.
"This will be easier then I thought." The blast door closed behind him and as he turned around he found 3 masters with their lightsabers flaired. "Tajira you have turned? I feel it in you and the recrods of your ship tells me so and all of the council here on Corucent." Tajira chuckled alittle thenthe bladeshot out of his saber. "Its the councils fault for the destruction of my homeworld and they shall pay." He said then pushed the 2 others with his power ans charged at the one left standing. The master blocked and attempted a stab move but Tajira twirled around it and struck the Jedi at the chest and the master fell to the ground and the other two charged. The battle came out to the lobby with the masters already dead.
The younger Padawans and apprintaces where now on his heels and many fell to his saber and power. A youngling charged but Tajira shocked him and took his lightsaber and soon had his share to give to the Sith master Dhorrak. As he left thrugh the entrance a few republic speeders landed and the soldiers started blasting at Tajira. With success Tajira deflected the shots back at them and ran down the platform. More republic soldiers where chasing after him and the ship lifted from the platform and Tajira forcejumped onto the ramp and walked in closing the ramp behind him.
This counts for 2,5 page, you will need 7,5 more pages and do 2 reviews on other stories to
qualify for a Dark Side Scroll.
**Note: When reviews are made, posts links on this thread. If you submit new material,
be sure to link and mention this to add in post count.**
*oh ok i was already doing that.
As Tajira came to the cockpit of the ship and J' almus was out of his seat. "J' almus?" Tajira said then heard a sound coming from the cargo bay. Tajira readied his saber and when he came around the bend another sith was there choking his fellow pilot. "You will drop him or life will be nomore." HE said and J' almus dropped and the sith turned to him and the blade of his lightsaber slipped out. Tajira readied his and as the man charged Taj moved out of the way and striked but the man was already facing him again and blocked and took out another saber and striked at tahjira's leg and Made Tajira fall.
Tajira felt ucombering pain like he was being dumped into molten Carbonite but got his strewngth back and forced himself to stand striking again but the sith man was gone. More of the crew arrived in confusion. "What happened?" A wamon asked but tajira shook his head. "Anyone see a man walk out of here?" He walked limping out to the hall and looked arond. "No sir. Was someone here?" Tajira put his lightsaber away and then looked at
J' almus. "I want search parties on this ship search every compartment and every place a man can hide. I wwant him found."
Tajira limped away to the cockpit and sat in his chair. J' almus sat in his next to Tajira. "Where to now?" He asked after making minor ajustments and checking to see if anything was tampered with or any files taken from the navicomputer. "Well he didnt mess with the ships computer systems." He said while Tajira grasped his leg. "I hate it when im striked with a lightsaber blade. Worse then Vibroblades." He stopped and leaned back. "Set course for korriban again. My task is done." He ordered and J' almus put in the corrordinates into the ships navicomputer and set the hyperdrive and soon they were in lightspeed.
it's maybe easier to write in full chapters and post them seperately. This way its easier for me to keep track of things.
Well, I thoughrly enjoyed this story. You obviously had thought about it a great deal. Several points though.
Spelling and grammar mainly let you down on this. Things like Wamon which I presume means woman. Personally I find it very useful to write my things on Microsoft word if I can. Also make sure if their was a long name, check it on the various websites. Reading it aloud will also do wonders for it as you will see where you have got a mistake from the position of a reader
Secondly : Detail. What did the temple look like. What was the name of the Sith Lord. What did the Sith ship look like. I had this running through my head when I read this. Also, if you are using characters from the canon starwars universe then research them. I would recomend Wookipedia. It will give wonderful insights on the nature of the characters and for battles, their fighting style(s).
And lastly, the timing. Unless you are planning to do an AU fiction then always check your dates. Kattar fell to Darth Nihlus. Darth Malak was killed before Nihlus came to power. And it was a need for hunger not wanton distruction.
Overall though, I really enjoyed this. It had a reasonable plot and was written with a good imagination.
I agree Kalak very good story I will elaborate when/if I have more time. And Ylith I shall need to talk to you about how the Writers Corner is going to work once we get everything sorted out.
Good Job Sparda I hope you will keep writing like this and I hope as T:F I can encourage you to write some good material
Not bad at all...!
But it would indeed be useful to first write in 'word' and then paste it on the board.
Keep up the good work. I like some serious competition