Eragon’s Tales: Part 1: The Crisis
Three years ago, Eragon stood out of his parent’s home on Tatooine. He watched the sunset of the twin suns, and sucked in the warm air happily. He could not remember a more perfect day. There had been no sandstorms, no bad weather. The boy and his friends had spent the day roaming the markets and wrestling on the streets. Now the day had ended, and Eragon could think of no other way to top off the perfect day. Just then his mother called from inside. “Eragon, will you please come in immediately?” She sounded frightened, as if she were calling for help. The boy sighed. Leave it to his parents to spoil his fun. “I’m coming!” he called back. He decided to wait for a few more minutes. Whatever she wanted could probably wait. Little did Eragon know that he was gravely mistaken. After about one minute, he heard the sound of two blasters fire from inside his fancy home.
Eragon panicked in fear. What was going on? Were his parents hurt? He rushed inside to find the answers, and saw a strange sight. The three family slaves had surrounded his parents, and all of them held blasters in their hands. Next to the slaves stood a stranger in green armor. But the greatest shock was yet to come. His parents were dead. Tears welled up in Eragon’s eyes. His vision blurred as he sobbed. “How dare you murder my parents? How dare you?” The stranger spoke in a hoarse voice, so hoarse, that it sounded like he had been shouting for hours. “We wanted you. You did not obey your parents and come in. It is your fault they died.” Eragon felt as though he had been struck with a hammer.
Fury began to build inside Eragon. He had never felt so much rage in his life. “So” he said icily to the stranger, “first you murder my parents, and then you blame it on me! You will never get whatever you wanted from us!” he declared. He crossed over and kicked the man in the stomach, but all it did was cause pain to spread through his leg. Now he was even angrier. Then, the boy realized something. He could use his fury like a weapon! Turning toward the slaves he said, “And you helped him! You were treated better than any other slave in the entire city, and this is how you repay us!” He formed his arm into a karate move and smacked it into a slave’s neck. Sure enough, the slave’s head snapped backwards and he died. Eragon picked up the slave’s blaster and trained it on the next slave. Her eyes opened in fear. Without hesitating, however, the infuriated teen shot her and the next slave. He retrieved their weapons, hung a blaster on his belt, and dual-wielded the other two. He turned to the stranger and pointed both blasters at him. “Your turn” he said coldly.
The man turned around and fled. Eragon shouted “Stop! You will pay for your crime” The stranger did not even glance back. He was a blur of green as he ran and ran. Eragon trained his blaster on the stranger and fired. The shots missed by a foot. Cursing, he stepped outside and began to run, firing at the man as he followed him into the market. Here, the stranger easily disappeared into the crowd of people heading homeward. The teen stopped and lowered his arms. He would not shoot innocent people for one man’s crime. He would have to let him go….for now.
Out of the shadows of a stall behind Eragon stepped a man wearing cobalt-blue armor. He tapped the boy’s shoulder, causing him to jump back in shock. Eragon turned around and saw the man. “I know what happened” he said in a kind voice. “And I can help.”
“How?” asked Eragon.
“I will take you to my village-it is a Mandalorian village- and will train you to battle and bear arms. After my training, you will be able to defeat that despicable man. Will you come?”
“I will” Eragon replied “I will.”
PRT Eragon, No. 7094
Good, if somewhat simplistic story, and you have left an open enough ending to expand as fully as you like.
Some things that you could try and work on for the next installment;
Punctuation - I know, it's me being picky, but when he was shouting at the men, he was questioning, and so was his mother when calling him in, although she would be frightened.
Also try to expand what is happening a little more in the story, I mean no offense, the story was good, but it could be brilliant if you just tried to really explain what was happening. Try to paint us a picture with your words.
Other than that, great start. I hope to read the next chapter.
Keep at it!