Clone Wars Short

Tyrus

07-08-2005 19:33:20

http://www.krath.org/writing/The_Clone_Wars.htm

comments please

Devani

07-10-2005 14:20:27

Tyrus,

It was good but there were a few spelling errors (blue instead of blew) and grammatical mistakes (He would stop at nothing to complete a mission successfully, because thatís why he was made; not to idle on opinion and his own safety but the safety of the Republic.&The main goal of the main infantry unit is to attack the enemy headlong and fight an open battle.) Just some suggestions, I like the story but I think it could flow a bit better and would be more interesting if you used some more descriptive sentences like when you wrote: The grass swayed back in (should be: and) forth in the light breeze. If you want more detailed ways of improving your story grammatically, just reply back.

PS: These sentences don't make any sense, are you talking about the enemy cruiser being like the Republic's or are you speaking of the Republic cruiser? "This cruiser was a typical Republic Cruiser. It looked like the Republic would win this one."