Taldryan's Night At The Improv

Night at the Improv is a simple forum-based competition designed for everyone to have fun and joke around while increasing activity on the Clan forums. Each week, I'll restart this thread with a different type of improv and your posts will have to follow the rules below.
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Round One: What Happens Next?

Rules: Shadow will start off with the introduction of a scene/story. Below that he will tell the next person to post what will come next – a few words to outline where the next poster has to go. Each subsequent poster gets to come up with the idea for the next participants post.

Posts should be a maximum of 2 paragraphs – keep them short and funny!
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Taldryan has a new Consul and he has decided to throw a celebration in his own honor! The entire Clan gathers in the main hall on Karufr. Drinks flow freely and the music is loud. Shadow is getting wasted and out of control.

What happens next? Justicar Kir shows up!

As the Justicar steps into the room, the blazing music suddenly stops. Bottles and glasses can be heard crashing to the ground as everyone suddenly turned to stare at Kir. Shadow, busy table-dancing, slipped off at the sudden stop to his gyrating-music.

Kir's eyes darted back and forth. Hand raised he snapped his fingers, music filling the room once more

What happens next? "Gone Gay" blares over the speakers!

The Clan was appalled,
Their wangs were all flacid.
To the left it appeared,
That Shad was dropping acid.

Kir stripped off his clothes,
His assless chaps baring all.
Till all of a sudden,
Chaos ran into a wall.

"Failure, again,"
he heard dark jedi cheer.
The Clan Hall had gone gay,
It truly was queer.

What happens next? An assassination attempt on Halc occurs!

From one corner of the room, a man slowly steps forward. With one disdainful eye on Sklib, the Master At Arms slips silently between the drunken (and now seemingly gay) revelers. Closing in on his ex-ex-bitch, he feels the power of the Wang flowing through him (lulz).

Suddenly Kaek jumps forward and mounts Halc. "SURPRISE KRAVING!!!" But before the dastardly act can be completed, another mysterious figure makes his presence felt in a very very sexual way.

What happens next? SHB joins the party

The tall, dark and expressionless faced StickHatBootman began his descent into the depths of the party chamber, passing the humping mob as he did so. Coming to the corner of the room, he looked in the direction of the bar and said "Bourbon, double, on the rocks." Without a moments notice he had his drink.

Just as he attempted to sip his drink, there was a loud creaking sound as the front door opened to reveal an unimaginable site; reverse SHB!
Slowly, StickHatBootman made his way to the center of the dance floor, followed by Reverse SHB. There was silence for a moment, until, StickHatBootman snapped his fingers, causing the dance off to start between the two. Mr. C- Cha cha slide in the background

What happens next? Sklib dies

The dance of between StickHatBootman and Reverse StickHatBootman caused Sklib's weak heart to beat to fast, and he collapsed to the floor and started having a seizure. Everyone thought he was joking around trying to get everyone's attention, but he finally stopped and just laid there still as a dead man. Still everyone thought he just wanted attention because well that is the way Sklib is.

Tarax, Vladet, and Shadow walked over to Sklib's body not knowing that he was dead. Shadow kicked him saying, "come on Sklib you are killing the mood get up the StickHatBootmen are dancing good." Well that's what Shadow thought he said. In actuality he was so drunk that he really said, slurring his words, "Sklib you attention [Expletive Deleted] get up before I, before I, before I..." Then Shadow passes out on top of Sklib in a very sexual position.

What happens next? Sarin walks in!

Sarin resigns as Grand Master, transfers to Taldryan, and is appointed BTL of Old Folks Home. There is much rejoicing, except Swiper who recently divorced from a pregnant Jessica Alba, is in the corner mournfully beating his meat heatedly.

Between gasps of pleasure, pain, and gulps of some strange green tinted drink, swiper's tears trickle over his cheeks, pooling on the ratty shirt he still wears after five days.

What Happens Next? - Shadow's Wang shrivels

Shadow's wang starts to shrivel up, and he freaks out running around the party asking if anyone has Viagra. But no one at the party is as old as Shadow and doesn't need Viagra because they can get their wang to stand up. Shadow figures this is the last time he'll see his wang so he goes to the corner and cries with Swiper, and tries to beat his meat but it wouldn't get hard.

What happens next? Zasati enters the room.

And managed to pwn Sidarace at everything.

Sid then started crying, whereupon Kir strolled through the room in a Borat-style leotard. (Becasue Kir is gay).

What happens next? Sklib kissed a girl and he liked it.

Sklib went all out kissing that girl. I felt really bad when I finally told him I wasn't one.

He still kinda liked it.

What happened next? Shadow realises the horror of what he gets into, and gets a little excited downstairs

Shadow sees Sklib kiss what he thought was a girl, but found out that it was not a women. Due to this discovery Shadow likes it and get a hard on. He jumps in the air screaming, "MY PENIS IS ALIVE!" Then realizes and says to himself, "Why am I getting a hard-on from man to man action? Am I gay? Oh well who cares! MY PENIS IS ALIVE!" He runs around the room trying to find a girl to get with before he loses the best thing that happened to him.

What happens next? Seraine "Erinyes" Ténama enters!

Shadow sees Sklib kiss what he thought was a girl, but found out that it was not a women. Due to this discovery Shadow likes it and get a hard on. He jumps in the air screaming, "MY PENIS IS ALIVE!" Then realizes and says to himself, "Why am I getting a hard-on from man to man action? Am I gay? Oh well who cares! MY PENIS IS ALIVE!" He runs around the room trying to find a girl to get with before he loses the best thing that happened to him.

What happens next? Seraine "Erinyes" Ténama enters!




Then finally, someone cool shows up. Protector Renci Janin walks in. He looks around, spot's Sklib and goes "I'm getting the hell outta here before he uh... cant find a girl after all, and trys to get with me.

What happens next? Ziggy shows up with a latex glove and raspberry jam...

Ziggy shows up with a latex glove and raspberry jam... and no one is surprised.

After Sklib deflowered the numerous incredibly hot and sexy women present, he sought to reaffirm his manhood and penetrate them once more. Unfortunately, this philandering didn't quite satiate his thirst for a woman's flesh. There was only one way Sklib could possibly convey his feelings. Thus, he broke out in song in a bellowing and extremely manly voice. Numerous Taldryans noted how much Sklib resembled Pierce Brosnan.

And the song went a little something like...

I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chapstick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
...I liked it

What happens next? A wild buffalo crashes through the wall and tramples over the pole-like figure of Tarax. A mysterious buffalo horn can be heard sounding in the distance...

Tiny ants riding on the backs of hamsters bound into the room tooting on their horn as they ready their ropes to tie up their buffalo.

Tarax, still under the buffalo starts squirming, and after a few seconds stops ...then easily moves the buffalo off so he can get up.

"If you want this buffalo, you need to get through me! That's the best sexy sex what I ever did have!"

What happens next? A body is found.

The body ends up being some small altar-boy sodomized by Kir one too many times. Again, the buffalo horn in the distance can be heard, but it sounds nearer...

What happens next? Jac the Buffalo Hunter can be seen entering the atmosphere atop a flaming TIE fighter, hurtling toward the crowd!

As Jac-on-a-TIE threatens to explode all over the populace below, Oberst shows up just in time to save everyone using his patented Bucky Balls. Joining him is the master strategist and tactitian, Doni`Tzu (wannabe successor of Sun Tzu and Jabba the Hutt).

However, just before Oberst's fool-proof Bucky Balls can take affect and save everyone, Halc's monumental BIAS comes out of nowhere and destroys them.

What Happens Next? Muz drunkenly stumbles in! (also, Sklib is a huge fag)

Muz, drunk off his ass, decides he has the testicular fortitude to fight the rampaging buffalo. The two charge at each other, but as the Buffalo Horn's call fades, Buffalo Hunter extraordinaire Jac enters the room. He quickly pushes the bumbling Muz aside, with a simple "get lost newb," and rounds on the buffalo. The beast lowers its head and charges, but Jac is smarter than the average buffalo.

He leaps over its lowered head and grabs it by the horns, shoving its head to the ground. Five minutes of wild man-on-beast wrestling later and Jac emerges from the battle victorious. Having successfully bent the buffalo over a fallen punch table, Jac nods to the astonished party-goers and saunters off into the sunset with eleven beautiful women.

What happens next? Lucien shows up saying how Taldryan is going to LOSE the next GJW...

But since Lucien is Lame, no one actually listens to him. Instead, he's kicked out of the party and is forced to work the local corner for petty quarters a day.

Meanwhile, Kir-in-a-Borat-leotard manages to seduce an unwitting Mejas, who showed up to the party only because there was booze.

As Kir-in-a-Borat-leotard and Mejas are going at it heavy in the middle of the great hall, a furious Pyralis storms in and slaps Kir in the face for cheating on him.

What Happens Next? Swiper, with a pregnant Jessica Alba, join the party.

Everyone, in their drunken stupor, leers after Jessica Alba. To defend herself, she quickly gives birth pushing out the baby, grabbing hold of the umbilical cord and starts swinging a now crying baby around hitting potential rapists as she makes her way out of the room.

What Happens Next? Swiper takes ownership of the placenta left behind and starts a BBQ

As Jessica Alba is swinging the umbilical cord around she sees Seviss Nihilus Vaa. His beautiful red body and reddish eyes turned her on, and so Seviss takes her to Swiper's BBQ. They hang out and then he takes her to a room and plows her hard into the wall trying to make a Zabman which is a Zabrak and a Human put together.

What happens next? Shadow is hiding behind a two way mirror beating his meat to Seviss and Alba banging.