Timbal's Feedback Thread

Hey all!

This will be the feedback/discussion thread for the CSP Training Run-on. Feel free to chat up anything pertaining to the RO here.

The general gist of the RO will be various hunting/poaching parties competing with each other to encounter and down the biggest creature they can realistically handle. I don't expect Novices to take down krayt dragons here.

The tone of the RO is meant to be somewhat light, so feel free to insert humor when/if needed. I don't mind if this gets a bit silly, but not overboard please.

Also, get to know the area that you're in: Well of the Dragon. This will help keep you on target and relevant.

I'll be posting here as needs require. Have at it, have fun!

Oh yea, I have questions.

#1 Q'win has never used any kind of fire arm before, not blaster nor rifle. He did use a bow once, but they are not native to his planet.

#2 What kind of creatures exist on this planet? Or is that part of the exercise?

1) I'm sure Q'win is armed in some fashion, so feel free to use whatever is fictionally appropriate for Q'win to use.

2) That's part of the exercise. There are a few hints on the wiki, but basically it's meant as a creative exercise to bring such details to the table.

I bdidn't know what the hell to post so hope it's not to bad. I dont think anyone wanted to make that post

Hey, Q'win has to learn to use a rife some day, and that might add an interesting dynamic to the hunt. Do we have anyone who'd be willing to team up and help me?

Arual, no problems, that's what this training RO is for. What I can suggest next time is to avoid being "coy" (For lack of a better term) in your posts. You're initially using the term "He" a lot without specifying at first who "He" is. In a RO, you want to keep everything as clear as possible, since it's already challenging enough to follow the different threads caused by different writing styles. Beyond that, try and keep the text all the same colors, since it can be hard for some people to read when you mix colors. Other than that, good solid first post!

Jack, excellent first post. Just remember to capitalize proper nouns, like Vader and Xathia.

Tra'an, also good solid first post. Also watch the caps, ionosphere isn't capitalized.

Q'win, great first post, the only thing I would eliminate would be the phrase in the parenthesis. Try to work that information into the post without jarring the reader by running into the aside. For example, you could have written something like:

...so the worst that he knew was either the boarish 100 kg rolsk or the 10 kg flying fox.

With that re-write, you're attributing the features of a boar to the rolsk without explicitly stating so. Tricks of the trade there.

Ok, folks, excellent work so far! I'm going to post on Sunday and move the story forward a bit, and also to give others a chance to join in as well. I'll be providing feedback as posts get put in.

Prajna, excellent first post. You hit all the proper points: You situated yourself in a logical way from the beginning post, you picked out a teammate to work with, and gave others a chance to build on your post if need be. Excellent work!

Timbal can correct me if I am wrong, but I believe the purpose of posting locations is when the location is different than a previous post. So in a big run-on where many things are going on in different regions, it is good to post where your character is, however, for this since we are all generally in the Well of the Dragon, it isn't needed.

Also another suggestion, for almost every fiction and even most paragraphs, it is very easy to start every paragraph, post, or sentence with "Prajna went and did..." "Prajna this..." "Prajna that..." Try mixing it up and not starting any of your posts with your name, or even any name. It isn't the easiest thing, but the required effort to do this will improve most posts.

Timbal can correct me if I am wrong, but I believe the purpose of posting locations is when the location is different than a previous post.  So in a big run-on where many things are going on in different regions, it is good to post where your character is, however, for this since we are all generally in the Well of the Dragon, it isn't needed.

I was under the same assumption after my first post.


Also another suggestion, for almost every fiction and even most paragraphs, it is very easy to start every paragraph, post, or sentence with "Prajna went and did..." "Prajna this..." "Prajna that..." Try mixing it up and not starting any of your posts with your name, or even any name. It isn't the easiest thing, but the required effort to do this will improve most posts.


Excellent idea! Gonna try that on my next post.

Prajna, excellent points, I do recommend that you slyly work in your character's current location if it's different from the previous post.

And yes, not directly referring to the characters' name all the time is fine as long as it makes logical sense within the flow of the run-on. Make sure you don't confuse people.

EDIT: I figured I might as well put my feedback on the newer posts here instead of double-posting, which is a no-no normally.

Nok, I've read over your character's wiki, so good work in keeping in character. You've sorta got the "flavor" of Timbal's character ok, and it seems that you've also read my wiki, so good work there. Remember, wikis are a great resource if you want to get the feel for how a character would react to something or respond to something. Also, good use of a Star Wars creature in the post. I had to look up Voorpak.

Korvyn, good solid job with your post. It didn't really cover much, but it was a post that provided a bit of "meat" to the RO. Activity can't happen all the time, so you did a good job in pacing the RO. B)

Prajna, again, excellent post. I really like the way you took Korvyn and was guiding him. Really, really good stuff! More on this later...

Bal, you also had a great post. You covered what your character was thinking and feeling, always good for character development. Although on some run-ons you want to avoid character development and focus on advancing the story line, in this run-on it works well because this is a training RO. So keep that in mind, everyone.

Jack, you had an interesting post. The flashback sequence, although interesting, didn't seem to click with the flow of the run-on. If you want to refer to past events you may want to mention it in passing, since you don't want to put the focus on the event. However, I did really like the idea that you had to create a field base, something that can be used effectively later on. Also, I loved the quote. Humor can be a great asset when done correctly, as was accomplished in your post. Good work.

Q'win, great post! Good way to build up some suspense, it will help the reader want to continue to read to see what will happen. :yacko:

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Ok, I am really happy with the work so far! Pranja's post gave me an excellent idea for this RO. Our Clan powers revolve around Animalism, so this RO might be a great way to further explore that aspect, something that really hasn't been explored before. So keep the good work coming, people! B)

the flash back itself was a hint as why I didn't want to go out in the woods alone and stayed behind to man the camp without a master. But I see your point about the flash back.

Ok, so as mentioned Q'win, I'll go ahead and team up with you. Just so you know, Bal doesn't exactly know what the hell he has done in his past. Which is why he seems to be confused on how he knows to track a target with a rifle. And your post helped me figure out a way to run into you, so thanks.

Any feedback is welcome for me. I almost crave it...... >:)


PS: I love My Avatar!!!!! Tsubasa Kicks Ass....

Hey Bal! Glad to see you on. Contact my email and we can help work you character through early advancements. Or better yet if you can get on IRC...

Jack, no problem.

Bal, good work so far, looks like you're off to a successful start.

Exo, great post as always. Your post is pivotal. We'll get to that in a bit.

Korvyn, great post, same comments as before apply here.

Tra'an, I would have preferred a slightly different exit for such a key figure, but I guess it'll work. Otherwise, the post was solid. /Undercover Brother.

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It seems that all of the "intro" posts have been done so far. With Exo's post, we've just transitioned in the middle part of the run-on. It's sometimes hard to distinguish such posts, but for this RO it was easy, because the plot just took a serious twist.

FYI, the creature he was talking about is a Terentatek, so plan accordingly. I plan on having several of them roaming about, but at least one male and another female. To make it plausible, I plan on eventually saying that the Vong brought the creatures with them when they invaded the planet and they recently got loose. Exo, the one that is near you is the female, she's using the cave as her nest (She's pregnant), and the one that my group will run into will be the male, which is all about aggression.

People, feel free to have adolescent versions of these creatures attack you, you should be able to make your escape to the forward base.

Once there, you can have a "last-stand" type scenario, feel free to use your imagination.

To the higher rankers out there, your job is simple, you're to drop the lower ranking members off at the forward base, then make your way back out to kill these things. Remember, the bigger the creature that you kill, the better.

Again, great work so far people! >:)

Oh I hated those buggars. But at least I get to bark orders until the commander gets back ^_^. My "last stand" and whoever is at the foward base is going to be fun. Hope you packed alot of e-webs otherwise this is going to be a short fight.

Hmm how about you go for more along the linesof they woke from hibernation due to the Recent Power being demonstrated by CSP.

Ok, so as mentioned Q'win, I'll go ahead and team up with you.  Just so you know, Bal doesn't exactly know what the hell he has done in his past.  Which is why he seems to be confused on how he knows to track a target with a rifle.  And your post helped me figure out a way to run into you, so thanks.

Any feedback is welcome for me.  I almost crave it...... >:)
PS: I love My Avatar!!!!! Tsubasa Kicks Ass....



This is where I get a little confused, because suddenly a lot of things are happening and people are all over the place, even if I cannot tell where.

I guess Bal and I are in the base camp then, so do we conspire to write in our parts together?

And more importantly, do I really know which end of the blaster rifle it fires from?

Oh, and Bal, I like how you wrote in my description thank you

A suggestion if i may Q'win. You don't havta fight to be a member of the runon. Supplies need to be gathered Medical attention needs to be given to the wonded. There is more to a battle than pointing rifles and shooting things. Use your imagination and you will find lots of story lines to work with without ever pulling a trigger.

A suggestion if i may Q'win. You don't havta fight to be a member of the runon. Supplies need to be gathered Medical attention needs to be given to the wonded. There is more to a battle than pointing rifles and shooting things. Use your imagination and you will find lots of story lines to work with without ever pulling a trigger.




I am more concerned with coordinating writing, the method (if there is one) of how to not write over top of someone elses words. Are we supposed to be taking turns?

Already I look back and think "sheesh, I could have written x and a bit of y to embelish z's work" ... I love story lines and want it to work well

!DOH! ... the blaster rifle comments are tongue in cheek

Yea, me again ... just figured out that there is a page 2 ... I'm WAY behind, and a little more confused. Are there two camps, one where Jack is and the other where Bal and I are?

No, not exactly Q'win. Jack Okason made a base camp where we landed. The way I wrote my post, I meant to just meet up with you in the middle of the forest. Sorry on the confusion on that. And so far, I think that we're just standing there introducing ourselves. Although I agree, A lot has happened since our last posts. I'll let you jump into it first. My guess is that we can write about trying to find our way back to the forward base. We don't even necessarily have to find it immediately. We could take our time, running into the creatures that seem to be attacking us...

As far as writing over someone else, I think we're just supposed to write off of the last person, no matter what story line we're following. It's all about continuity.

*pokes people to post* I can have a book written by now. post peoples before I start barking orders again until timbal or bal comes to rescue the forward base.

LOL @ Jack's post here above mine....

Q'win, no worries. Basically at the moment I ordered all the teams to head back to the forward base, and only the higher-ranking peeps are out there, like Exo and myself (And any other higher-ranking peeps that feel like joining in later). The reason I wanted it that way was because Journeymen have the advantage with all those E-webs and heavy firepower handy, and the higher-ranking peeps can take them down either singly or in small teams, depending on how they wanted to flow with it.

Korvyn, excellent point, there is a lot to do around here that doesn't involve combat if that's your wish. We just brought down one of those beasties, so you can help in bringing in the carcass for processing, etc. Use your imagination, it's still pretty open out there!

Bal, excellent, you're right on point. Just jump in! After my upcoming post, of course.

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Ok, at this point I'll stop point out specific details on specific posts unless it's warranted. Right now we've got a really good flow going, so we'll just let it go where it'll go. I'll post every now and again to keep it on track and to give everyone a rough idea of where I want to go with it.

I just want to say that you people are doing an excellent job so far! Makes me proud.... *sniff!*

What in tarnation is an e-web??? Terminology is killing me here *LOL*

What in tarnation is an e-web??? Terminology is killing me here *LOL*



Okay, got that one out of the way, but when I tried to look up Tarentatek I couldn't find anything except a vague reference made to it. I guess I'm finding out what it is first hand eh? *LOL*

I may not be explaining this correctly but as far as continuity goes you have to be aware of a few things.

1. Major plot twists. The Terentatek arrival so far is the major twist. So you can't just ignore it altogether. You can choose to continue hunting your prey and not return to base camp but to say that you run into Timbal swimming in a creek right now wouldbe ignoring the other plot lines.

2. what currently involves your character and those around you. If bal writes you climbe up a tree to gain a better veiw of the surrounding area and fall breaking your left arm and in your next post you weilding a sword in your left arm you've broken continuty.

That is the gist of it. other things come with practice. and that is what this is meant for.

Reading what has come before is important, but sometimes things that are expressed from one party do not integrate well with what is said from another. This leads to confusions.

Is there an order that we should be posting in, either generally (everyone posts in wave 1, then wave 2 etc.) or specifically (Yad cannot post until Rith has, but Rith is waiting for Bogga)?

I decided a small group of Gundarks would be the perfect test for our Journeymen camp. Have fun! Make sure you read up on them from SW Wiki so you are knowledgeable before you post.

Reading what has come before is important, but sometimes things that are expressed from one party do not integrate well with what is said from another. This leads to confusions.

Is there an order that we should be posting in, either generally (everyone posts in wave 1, then wave 2 etc.) or specifically (Yad cannot post until Rith has, but Rith is waiting for Bogga)?




Nope, there is no set order. However, you'll want to avoid double-posting (Making a post after a previous post of yours). That's about the only hard and fast rule that there is.

Pajamas, good call on the gundarks.

Great job so far, guys. I'll have a post up by this evening. Sorry about not jumping back in this. Been kinda busy.

Tra'an... Jedi Hunter... not hunting with Timbal. You need to read the previous posts. Journeymen are about to be attacked by Gundarks at a base camp, and Equites are off looking for trouble monsters that eat Jedi Younglings for elevens-ese.

Yeah, and I seem to be blowing them away TOO much....

Just my usual case of overwhelming firepower.

Hopefully my recent post has not confused things. I did read over the posts, just I think I missed a major detail. Still I am eager to kill something.